Accepting Grief: Intro

It has been fifteen years since my mother passed away and I have learnt one thing from all of this – time does not heal, it simply teaches you how to handle your emotions. I will bluntly say that every single person that has stated otherwise never truly felt pain, or is incredibly good at masking their emotions. Unfortunately for me, this is something that I am constantly working on and one day hope to overcome, but for now am happy with the inches of progress that over a decade have allowed me

Everyone has their own opinions and methods on how to overcome grief, and yet there is no sure set way to actually do this. The memory of my mother is not something that I am willing to let go of or push aside to fill with happier thoughts and new memories. There will always be room for new experiences, but it is this woman who shaped me into the person that I am today. To me she was Wonder Woman in every sense, the very best friend I could ever ask for, a loving mother and great woman that I to this day, still aspire to be and yet struggle to find the means to do so. She may have carried herself as a simple, hardworking woman, but to me she was more than a guardian angel, she was my best friend. As a single mother of two left alone to deal with what I now understand to be one of the hardest jobs – raising children- she definitely breezed through it in ways that I cannot understand. When I think about my mother I want to remember every single detail of her so that her memory never dies. She was such a perfectly imperfect soul that dedicated her life to making sure that my sister and I got the best she could offer while sustaining her mother and being the best second mom to my cousins. Everything she had was earned through hard work and dedication. In short, I have embraced that the mammoth sized hole that she left in my life will never be filled but that is ok. I am here to share my journey with this loss, not provide steps on how to overcome it.

I’ve mentioned in “Learning to Love Again” how the rollercoaster called life presented itself to me in the years following my mother’s passing, but it is almost impossible to tap into the progress without mentioning a few things. I say that life “presented itself to me” because looking back it almost feels surreal, like I am watching a movie playing before my eyes. The girl who went through years of depression, begging for love and affection was not who I am today, nor is it someone I truly identify with. There are scars, both physical and emotional, that remind me of how real my experience was and I pray that my little girl never has to feel the way that I once did, but if she does, it is important for her to know that her mom also had ups and downs. Yes, I felt that way. I felt – that is something I remind myself each time the memories of my journey bring shame. Today I accept my journey as something that moulded me into the strong woman I am today.

Little Spawn, one day when I am no longer here, just know that I know how you feel. I have documented every detail of her life and my emotions in the hopes that it will one day reveal to you the depth of the woman who rocked you to sleep.

***

Be sure to check out the other parts of the ‘Accepting Grief’ series:


15 Comments Add yours

  1. dineomxoliyahoocom says:

    ❤️ I am 100% certain she is proud of you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Brought me to tears! Especially because I have two daughters of my own that I work so hard for, they are the core of my life! And so, I’m afraid to one day go early, because no one can ever love them like I do. Loved this. It’s inspiring! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shelly DS says:

      I know that feeling all too well… when I was pregnant I made tones of videos for Gabby so she would have something to remember me by when I go… even this blog is mainly for her to have a front row view into how her mom saw life and loved her so much… lol maybe we need therapy!

      Like

  3. 4msbipolarmom says:

    I lost my Mom less than year ago to pancreatic cancer. She was healthy before then, a church and community leader. Unexpected. Both my kids and I to whom she was and is central have struggled to walk without her. Until we realised that she never left. We miss her. It’s tough sometimes. But she’s with us. Your Mom is with you too, and the cutest Spawn I ever seen. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shelly DS says:

      My heart goes out to you… It is never easy losing someone regardless of the circumstances. It’s great to hear that you take comfort in knowing she is with you. She will be there as long as you carry her memories, teachings and love with you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 4msbipolarmom says:

        Thanks so much xx

        Liked by 1 person

  4. olivialucieblake says:

    “time does not heal, it simply teaches you how to handle your emotions.”
    I really appreciate this and im so sorry that you lost your mom. Im sure it was and still is a struggle for you.
    My best friend passed away in 2017, and i remember countless people telling me how time heals and it will get better, but i kept waiting and waiting to feel better and i didnt. You’re so right, we just learn to deal with the emotions. You never heal from something like that.
    Thank you for being so open and honest. More people need to talk about death and the impact it has on those left behind. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shelly DS says:

      It’s terrible that you had to go through that 💔 but I’m sure you’ve become a stronger person because of it! Thanks so much for reading and showing love, it wasn’t easy to write The Accepting Grief series because tapping into those emotions was just overwhelming…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Im sure they were! But you have done such a great service to your readers going through something similar! So thank you for that!

        Like

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