Lies ‘they’ told you

Hey there friends!

With this little toddler doing more and more crazy things that are leaving me missing my younger days, I found myself thinking about all the sayings my mother told me to either to stop me from doing something or to calm my crying “Brooke Logan” self down. We’ll discuss the white lies parents tell their kids on another day, but for now let’s just take a look at some lies we’ve been told as adults that we continue to pass on without a second thought. I’m guilty of some of these, but that just goes to show how overused these phrases are.

“All is fair in love and war”

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying a few times before, usually mentioned when someone does something wrong in a romantic relationship or takes revenge on their enemy. Well, this phrase bothers me quite a bit because it justifies the wrong doing by creating a fictitious bubble in which bad behaviour is acceptable. I’m here to tell you today that all is not fair in love and war, the very same way that the three second rule is not really a thing. I see you, put that piece of food away! On a more serious note, imagine if we acted selfishly and ruthlessly then turned around and said the ‘holy phrase’ as some sort of immunity. Not cool.

“The best things in life are free”

Have you seen those people who stand in the streets holding up signs written “I give free hugs” probably as part of some social experiment. Yeah those people. By show of hands, how many of you would actually stop and give a stranger a hug? I’m not asking this from a Covid-19 social distancing perspective but just from a “is that even sanitary or safe” point of view. Doesn’t resonate? Ok how about free alcohol for anyone who drinks? Well I lived in Japan during my college years and can tell you with certainty that the nearly “free” drinks served in izakayas was might as well have been flavoured water with a bit of food colouring. If you are looking for a nice bottle of whisky to offer your dad (or in my case my husband), I’m sure you will agree that the best things in life are NOT free.

“Happiness comes from within”

Whoever said this clearly hasn’t watched a good comedy show or chuckled with some friends over something really silly. If that’s you, stop right here and watch an episode or two of ‘Friends’ or ‘How I met your mother’, then we’ll chat. Seriously though, how is it not normal to feel happy when something makes you laugh or when someone special gives you an unexpected gift? Yes, it’s temporary but it is still happiness nonetheless. What IS true however, is that true contentment comes from being at peace within yourself. You know those calm people who don’t get bothered by much because they just seem so at peace… would you call that happiness or contentment?

“You will get your fairy tale ending”

This one isn’t a lie. I’m a hardcore romantic who truly believes that Disney movies are a religion in themselves, but have you ever noticed that the princesses don’t have parents, had to show some act of courage, almost got killed by some evil person/witch and only then got somewhat of a normal ending? Think about it, life didn’t just pause for them when things got good. In fact, I’m almost certain that all the sequels had similar story lines that highlighted two things; life won’t always be perfect but if you stay true to yourself, you will persevere. Another takeaway from the lives of Disney princesses is that happiness is often found in the least expected places. So ok, you want a fairy tale ending? Sure – but you have to have the journey too.

“Life goes on”

I really don’t want to be a negative Nancy with this one but this saying really just can’t be thrown out there like that with no repercussions. Firstly, there are over 7 billion people in this world and of course each of them have a life. To say that everyone’s life is ‘going on’ would be a bit unfair because that doesn’t say much for those in comas, addicted to drugs, etc. I’d say everyone else will continue to live their lives despite the choices you make in yours, but don’t be fooled into thinking that you’ll get a ‘do over’ when the clock strikes one. Do it properly the first time, just keep trying or whatever, just don’t stop doing what’s best because one wrong move could end your life or hit the pause button … permanently. When that happens, I hate to say it but everyone else’s life will go on. Mine included.

“Last but not least”

I hate this, I really do! My sisters and I used to call people on their birthdays just minutes before it was over or even days later and used the excuse “I wanted to be the last one to wish you happy birthday”. To anyone reading this that happened to get that message from us, I’m sorry, you were forgotten. If something is so important to you, you pick it first, you do it first, you list it first. Sometimes it’s a battle between saving the best for last when it comes to that delicious looking dessert, but not with people. You can’t “save” someone for the end.

“Everything happens for a reason”

When I was younger I was fed this lie so many times that I still use it in every day conversation. I remember seeing a young boy by the shops in my younger days who gave me a long and hard stare. I’m nearly thirty and still don’t know why that happened. Did it change my life in any way? Nope. Did I learn from it? Nada. Does it bring back good memories? Not at all. So why do we keep lying to each other with this old saying that never quite solves any problems? I understand that this phrase is used as a for of encouragement, but if it’s used one way, it should apply to everything. Why not just say “it’ll make you tougher” or “it was never meant to be” but don’t sell the lie. Please, don’t be that person.

*****

Phew, my rant is finally over! Let me know what you think and if you use these phrases as it would be interesting to hear a different opinion!

And one more thing: Happy Tuesday!

20 Comments Add yours

  1. lanaoee says:

    Very interesting take on “life goes on”, I’ve never thought of it through that lens. Nice piece 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shelly DS says:

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting Lana. I love hearing your feedback 💖

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Michelle (Boomer Eco Crusader) says:

    I don’t say “Everything happens for a reason” often but I do say “Things work out the way they are supposed to.” Similar to what you said about needing to have the journey to get the fairy-tale ending, things don’t always happen the way you want them to but, if you embrace it, the alternate path can be pretty awesome and the outcome can be positive.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shelly DS says:

      Thanks for your insight Michelle! “If you embrace it, the alternate path can be pretty awesome and the outcome positive” that is 100% true!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post and to think our parents actually knew something… lol!🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shelly DS says:

      Hahaha thanks Cindy 💖 appreciate your feedback!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Miss Kay says:

    “Happiness comes from within”

    My happiness comes from a folder in my laptop containing 9 seasons of The Big Bang Theory. Interesting read. Addressing some of the lies o have always questioned.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shelly DS says:

      Hahahahahaha that is epic! Exactly my point! I’m glad you enjoyed it 💖😊

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Daria says:

    Although I am a true believer of most of this saying and your point of view differs a lot, it was still very nice to see your point of view. And I enjoyed reading it anyway! It is so amazing that as many people look at something as many opinions you’ll get 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shelly DS says:

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Daria. To be honest I wrote this when I was slightly irritable lol so I think my mood impacted how I felt about those sayings. On a normal day I throw them around like it’s nothing 🙈

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Daria says:

        We all know about this mood. Especially with a toddler tries to climb on you no matter what is to be done 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Who is yoir favorite Disney princess? I like your picks here. I suppose we say these things to avoid the deeper, sometimes uncomfortable and messy, conversations. It is easier to say ‘everything happens for a reason’ than identify or own up to the real cause. On other times, things just happen and that is that. We move on. I still share some of the frustrations you mentioned though. I hope you are finding more space in general and are able to relax more, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shelly DS says:

      Ooooh good question! Moana, Mulan and Tiana are my favourite because they are strong and hardworking women! The others sit in castles and cry 🙈thanks for your feedback, I agree with you 😊

      Like

  7. Kally says:

    I never believe “You will get your fairy tale ending”. All princesses’ mother dies while I love mine. I’d gladly not be a princess and let my mom live. That’s what I told my mom when I was 5.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shelly DS says:

      Oh wow you were such a clever little tot! Funny enough my mom used to call me a princess in disguise… then I lost her. Now after your comment I know for sure that’s a thing!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. PoojaG says:

    I am starting to think that only rich people say “the best things in life are free.” As a university student I can confirm that a lot of the best things in life cost A LOT of money.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shelly DS says:

      Hahaha yeah I know what you mean! As a student even buying takeout pizza felt like I was giving up an arm and sitting in a restaurant required the donation of a kidney!

      Like

  9. Haha, on a serious note this is real good and very relatable Shelly! I think the young boy was staring because he prolly thought you were beautiful but he couldn’t summon courage to perhaps, approach you. I’ve heard many lies like girl children been told that if they went near any guy as much as touch they’d get pregnant. Parents thought they were been protective. Lol. But it was totally unnecessary. We’ve learnt better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shelly DS says:

      Oh my gosh you’re hilarious! Pregnant by touching? I think I was told not to hold hands with boys to avoid getting pregnant, but I was a tomboy so I’d be climbing trees with them on the daily. As for that little boy, it wasn’t an admirable stare… more like an “I’m cursing you with all of my fallen teeth” kinda thing 😅

      Like

      1. Haha. Oh I get. That’s creepy.

        Liked by 1 person

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