As most of you already know, I grew up moving from country to country. Some of you would call it a nomadic lifestyle, but I call it getting new beginnings every few years. It has taken nearly three decades for me to finally set my roots in a place that I call home, even though it isn’t. But home is basically wherever you want it to be! I have often been asked where I enjoyed living the most, and Japan does rank high on that list. However, what I don’t talk about is the reason why it will never be first. Living in Japan was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I will forever be grateful for… But, there are a few reasons why I wouldn’t go back today.

I never truly fit in
When it comes to fitting into a crowd, this is something that many say they don’t actually like to do. Just look around at the Gen Z and whatever came after them. Everyone wants to stand out and be a superstar. But what about if you stand out naturally? When I lived in Japan, not only was I the only black girl in my classes or groups of friends, I was the only one who didn’t fit into a size zero. I was the only one who didn’t have straight hair. I was the only one whose boobs jumped up and down as I ran… Ok fine, my Australian bestie also had a similar problem, but I digress.
As an adult, I am now appreciative of the body that I have because it is what helps me achieve my daily tasks. Thanks to this body, I don’t get sunburnt after fifteen minutes in the sun. And a huge shoutout to this kinky hair on my head for being so versatile. One day it can be an afro and the next it will brush past my bra. Yes, it takes a lot of work, but it is still beautiful nonetheless.
But growing up, I did not think of life that way. I starved myself to fit in. I fried my hair so it wouldn’t frizz up. And I depleted my body of all nutrients so that I could shop with the others…
Related: What it feels like to live in a permanent culture clash
Living in Japan would bring back too many memories
I have never been good at dealing with my emotions… I mean, now I can identify what’s bothering me and attempt to deal with it. But back when I was younger and clueless, every new challenge brought on so much pain. Japan is the place that my first real heartbreak happened. It’s the place that a terrible family event happened. It’s the place that I felt lonely and lost. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I am very privileged to have lived there and I cherish the amazing memories from my time there. But I also have many memories that I would like to leave in the past.
On a positive note, I made the most amazing friends when studying in Japan. My very best friend to this day is someone I met in the twelfth grade, and we have been “married” on Facebook ever since. The unfortunate thing is that my friends have moved away… And the few that remain are either there temporarily or have changed completely. I loved the times I spent in Karaoke, having Korean BBQ, and just spending hours in Izakayas. I loved the house parties, the sleepovers, and the day trips. But now that I am a mom and wife, living in Tokyo will never be the same.
The work culture is too intense
It’s insane to think that time has flown by so quickly… I received my Bachelor’s degree almost a decade ago! Well, not quite a decade, but we are two years away from that milestone. When it came time to look for jobs, I very casually bypassed that step because the work culture did little to entice me. Have you heard of the concept of a salaryman? Not just someone who earns money – the Japanese salaryman. Yes, that’s a thing, and I’ll explain what it is.
As a university student, I got several part-time jobs so I could fund my fun lifestyle. That meant working late hours in restaurants until I finally got a gig as a teacher. But my hours pretty much stayed the same; anything after classes. So when I would head home close to midnight, I would find many people commuting in suits. To be honest, I’m guessing that they were people because they all looked like zombies to me. So my curiosity got the better of me and I started digging. Turns out that in Japanese companies, you should never really leave before your boss. You are expected to arrive early and leave very late, and you have to attend the socials or risk being ostracised.
If you ask me, that is hellish for an introvert! And as a mother…? *scoffs*
Living in Japan instilled fear in me
I promise I’m not being dramatic, but every time my phone buzzed with an earthquake warning, my blood ran cold.
The very first time I experienced an earthquake was on my second night in Tokyo. At that time, we were living in a wooden house with very thin walls. For all of my American readers that don’t understand my qualms, you need to know that I am used to houses made of brick. I mean, who would want the wolf to huff and puff and blow your house away? Well, best believe that on night two, I found out exactly why the walls were made of wood. And I also understood why we were given first aid backpacks and told to keep them near the doors.
I remember waking up and seeing the walls shaking so hard that the picture frames rattled. But as earthquakes happened more frequently, I got used to the full-body massages. Then came the buzzer sounds on my phone that alerted me of any earthquakes that would happen within a few minutes. Finally, the big earthquake came around and it was not so amusing anymore. Then it was a case of “will this be the last place I live”?
As a young adult, I didn’t mind the possibility of dying in an earthquake. But now that I have my own child, the thought of living in Japan scares me to death. I would never want to knowingly put my child at risk. Nor do I want her to live a short life.
Related: What anxiety feels like – my personal story
Conclusion
In sum, it was a beautiful experience that I will forever be grateful for. I grew up in Tokyo – but not in the normal sense. I lived alone and lived with friends, got my first job, and ditched my internship… That’s just it, I grew up became the adult that I am today.
I am forever grateful to everyone who made my time living in Japan very special. If any of you are reading this today, just know that you will always have a special place in my heart. But for now, unless a company pays me to move there for a few years, I will happily stay in South Africa.
Sounds like it was a experience. I have not experienced a earthquake in London
I’d like to visit Japan, especially when all the sakuras are blossomed, but I wouldn’t want to live there for sure 😄
You should definitely visit it! The sakuras are so pretty, and everyone comes out for picnics to enjoy the week. Living there can get a bit tedious though!
Wow, what an interesting life you’ve lived thus far, embarrassingly I’ve lived a pretty cocooned upbringing compared to you! I think there’s a unique strength in being able to leave your comfort zone and start over some place else, I admire that about you! 🙂
you have lived such an interesting life, and so much more to live. many adventures await you. I should love to visit Japan one day.
Thanks Beth 🙂 You would love it! I hope you do make it there one day. It would make for an interesting series on your blog 😉
I think I would be with you on the earthquakes. It’s one of the reasons I couldn’t live in California. I know people who live there and they say they can live with the earthquakes but they couldn’t live with snow like we do in Canada. Hmm…snow doesn’t usually cause mass destruction and kill people. I think I’ll take the snow. LOL
Lol how about neither? I’ll stay in sunny Africa or move to Brazil 😛
Super interesting. Thank you.
Thanks for reading!
I love Japan. It’s one of my favourite countries in the world. The culture, the food, the people… Still I appreciate why living there would be a totally different experience. The work culture in Hong Kong – this part of the world – drives me nuts as well. I often think why work so hard all the time. There is more to life. Great post Shelly 🙏
Gosh there is definitely more to life than wasting it at work all day! I mean, we work to live not the other way around. But you are absolutely right about how amazing it is – I really did love Japan when I was there.
Quite insightful. I want to visit Japan so much but I think I’ll always want to stay home
You will love Japan. It’s such a beautiful country with a very rich culture. Very unlikely that you’ll be staying home much… especially with the size of the homes 😉 As for being there long-term, it’s really a personal choice. I
Oh sorry I meant *settle at my current home. When I’m there I will definitely want to be exploring.
I love Japan. Travelling round Japan for three weeks in 2018 was the best experience and I long to go back. But I couldn’t live there, and, like you it’s because of their work culture. I met a group in Tokyo who were celebrating a colleagues birthday on their lunch break. It was a Sunday and they said they had worked till 2am the night before! It’s such an un-realistic lifestyle and why mental illness and suicide rates are so high.
Your experience living in Japan sounds incredible and I think you were there at the right time, whilst you were studying, rather than making it your home and building your career. xxx
Lol the 2am work experience on the night before is so accurate! I mentioned in the post that the friends that stayed in Japan changed… that’s one of the ways they changed 😅 new company= new family!
I’m so glad you got to visit~ it’s such a magical place!
Wow this is a heck of an experience 💟💟💟
Well I want to visit Japan, it’s on my wishlist
You should definitely visit! Japan is so beautiful! 😍
Great post Shelly!!
Japan seems like one of “those places” for you. I feel like you grew a lot there though and respect your strength. Also, I cannot imagine what it is like to have these big earthquakes and be constantly under threat. I would be so terrified!
Oh goodness, the earthquakes! I’m surprised I don’t see more people complaining about that. I could never get used to that. We get an earthquake perhaps only once a year in Jamaica if so often, and they’re very slight. I can only recall ever feeling perhaps 4 tremors in my life. More have happened but they’re so gentle I don’t feel them.
It’s amazing that you got to roam (if I can call it that) around the world while growing up —it must have been quite an experience.
Omg -I can’t imagine what’s it like to check your phone for earthquakes —that would send me in a frenzy and probably home at the next flight🙈
Don’t even start on running😂I used to run so fast 💨 but with the two things going up and down I can’t even get down the stairs gracefully.. xx
Hahahaha girl you are just the funniest! I love your humor and the fact that you’re so relatable! I suppose we need to look at it as having the wealth of two rather than being poor and not having any 😂
This was interesting!! May I ask, were you in Japan for school or work, or did you spend part of your childhood there?
Thanks Helen 😊 I was there because of my dad’s job, and ended up doing 12th grade and all of university there. So, all of the above? Lol