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  1. Michelle (Boomer Eco Crusader) says

    These are really important questions. Having kids is a huge change in your life and you need to be as ready as you can be…although I don’t think anyone is ever really ready! 🙂

  2. seankfletcher says

    These are great questions, Shelly and Toni. And, universal too. We are very lucky where I am. Our health system and other services for mums, children and so on are extensive. So, the financial issue is ameliorated to a large extent. My wife and I did discuss the number of children and we ended up with three. Yes, being on the same page is so important. Kids will always go back and forth between their parents when they want something. Linda and I handled this quite simply with “what did your father/mother say?” Most of the time they would say he/she said no. Occasionally, they would fib and we would say: that’s not something your father/mother would agree with 😂 As for family involvement/interference, yes, you need to set the respective parties straight. However, that won’t stop them from saying things from time to time. Sometimes, it is the tradeoff re family looking after the children, going on holiday together and so on. However, you do get to an age where you go “yeah, whatever” and let it wash over you. Friends are far more obliging on this one.

    • Shelly DS says

      Thanks so much for you wonderful feedback, Sean! I genuinely appreciate how much time you take to give your thoughts and personal examples. It sounds like you and your wife (who has the same name as my mama by the way) are definitely in sync – that’s golden! As for family, gosh they don’t stop, but I’ve reached the “whatever” stage and sometimes get a bit cheeky and respond “oh that’s a lovely idea, you should do it with your next child” 😅

      • seankfletcher says

        I think it’s more than okay to be cheeky in that situation with family, Shelly. I appreciate being able to provide feedback to some very thought provoking and interesting posts. We are in sync, but we have those days like everybody else. She keeps buying me Grumpy tee shirts for a reason 😂

  3. Olivia says

    Interesting points that you’ve mentioned here. I always love reading your posts about marriage and children, its great advice for me to read to prepare me for those lives stages!

  4. Markus + Micah says

    Excellent post. I really wish people thought more about this. Especially the first point. I see it a lot in this country. If only more families thought about how they are doing kids, there would be less poverty here.

  5. Eromonsele Emmanuel says

    As for me I just want to be like my parents, have two kids and that’s all!

    I’ve seen parents become helpless in this pandemic and guess what multiplied such burdens? Children. A parent without a well paying job having six children and expecting? I’m a little surprised at how some persons in the society reason but I’m hopeful that with more education and enlightenment, like you’re doing Shelly, more people will rethink and ask themselves these questions before having kids!

    P.s. I think I didn’t get your email. Mine is ericotrips@gmail.com

    • Shelly DS says

      Thanks for your insight! It’s really sad actually. I find that the poorer a country is, the more kids per household and I wonder if it’s because of lack of education, nothing else to do, or the theory that the more kids you have the more likely some will survive and be around later to care for you when you age. Whatever it is, every makes their own choices and I will only share my views to provide perspective.

  6. PoojaG says

    These are definitely important questions and I love that you added how much you want your family to be involved because I didn’t even think of that when I started reading the post and I don’t think that would have been something I would put a lot of thought into had I never read this post. But you’re right it’s so important to think about how involved you want your families to be because as a brown person we tend to not have a lot of boundaries but I feel like there definitely should be boundaries even when it comes to very close family.

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