In the spirit of 2020, I thought that it would be a great time to highlight a few things that our male counterparts generally say to women which basically does no more than add fuel to the fire. Obviously not all women have been made the same, so it is only natural that some may not entirely agree with the list, but 99.9999% will most likely agree that any man who says any of the following should probably be canceled. Forever.
“Relax it’s not that serious“
Just typing this one already raised my blood pressure. There are so many things wrong with this statement, the obvious being that if any woman – actually any human – is reacting negatively to something, invalidating their feelings is not the best way to calm them down. Personally, when I hear this phrase, it takes every ounce of energy in me to refrain from redirecting my anger to the human who uttered those foul words. Even if someone over-straightened my hair or mispronounced my name, my feelings are valid.
“Is it that time of the month or something?“
Again, a definite no-no when dealing with a woman. I’m not sure how many times we need to shout it from the mountains or tattoo it on your eye lids – our feelings are valid and every reaction (be it dramatic or subdued) should be handled delicately. One thing that my husband always says is that people don’t overreact, they simply react. What this basically means is that each reaction is a product of past experiences, so what may seem overly dramatised could actually just be an indication that the person in question has been triggered emotionally.
“What’s for dinner?“
There are some ladies out there who absolutely love to cook for their families, were raised by chefs and use food as an expression of their love. Keeping in mind that it is now 2020 and most of us women are either working long hours, chasing after the kids or studying for exams, shouldn’t this maybe be changed to “what would you like for dinner?” I’ve been lucky to find a self sufficient and caring man who also offers to help around the house and spends more time cooking than I care to, but being an African woman raised in the motherland, I may have found the diamond in the rough. While acts of service is considered to be a love language in itself, hearing that question after a long day cannot end well. Gents, if you chose to utter those words, make sure you follow it up with a takeout menu, or at least put on an apron.
“Did you gain weight?“
Seriously, I cannot believe that I still hear this one quite frequently. Instead of pointing out how rude and inconsiderate this statement is, I feel the need to highlight that many people already feel sufficiently insecure for this statement to cause permanent damage. We all have our demons, but bluntly pointing out that someone has gained or lost weight isn’t the best way to greet someone. For anyone wondering who on earth would say such, trust me, I get it ALL THE TIME. My response? A polite smile that hides away all of the evil things I wish I could say in return, but alas, my mama raised me better than that.
“You should smile more “
To be honest, I’m not sure what the intention behind this statement is, but I’ve found that men tend to say this a lot. I’m generally a happy person, but I don’t always find the need to make small talk and laugh with strangers… the introvert in me would have a heart attack! Strangely enough, the times that this was said to me were either preceded by “you’re pretty” or followed by “it makes you look pretty”. In both cases, I’ll keep my smile to myself thank you. Women are gems, we don’t sparkle in the dark.
Phew, that was a rant and a half! We’ll leave it here before I get too carried away but If I’ve missed any deadly phrases, drop them down in the comment section!