In the spirit of 2020, I thought that it would be a great time to highlight a few things that our male counterparts generally say to women which basically does no more than add fuel to the fire. Obviously not all women have been made the same, so it is only natural that some may not entirely agree with the list, but 99.9999% will most likely agree that any man who says any of the following should probably be canceled. Forever.

Relax it’s not that serious

Just typing this one already raised my blood pressure. There are so many things wrong with this statement, the obvious being that if any woman – actually any human – is reacting negatively to something, invalidating their feelings is not the best way to calm them down. Personally, when I hear this phrase, it takes every ounce of energy in me to refrain from redirecting my anger to the human who uttered those foul words. Even if someone over-straightened my hair or mispronounced my name, my feelings are valid.

Is it that time of the month or something?

Again, a definite no-no when dealing with a woman. I’m not sure how many times we need to shout it from the mountains or tattoo it on your eye lids – our feelings are valid and every reaction (be it dramatic or subdued) should be handled delicately. One thing that my husband always says is that people don’t overreact, they simply react. What this basically means is that each reaction is a product of past experiences, so what may seem overly dramatised could actually just be an indication that the person in question has been triggered emotionally.

What’s for dinner?

There are some ladies out there who absolutely love to cook for their families, were raised by chefs and use food as an expression of their love. Keeping in mind that it is now 2020 and most of us women are either working long hours, chasing after the kids or studying for exams, shouldn’t this maybe be changed to “what would you like for dinner?” I’ve been lucky to find a self sufficient and caring man who also offers to help around the house and spends more time cooking than I care to, but being an African woman raised in the motherland, I may have found the diamond in the rough. While acts of service is considered to be a love language in itself, hearing that question after a long day cannot end well. Gents, if you chose to utter those words, make sure you follow it up with a takeout menu, or at least put on an apron.

Did you gain weight?

Seriously, I cannot believe that I still hear this one quite frequently. Instead of pointing out how rude and inconsiderate this statement is, I feel the need to highlight that many people already feel sufficiently insecure for this statement to cause permanent damage. We all have our demons, but bluntly pointing out that someone has gained or lost weight isn’t the best way to greet someone. For anyone wondering who on earth would say such, trust me, I get it ALL THE TIME. My response? A polite smile that hides away all of the evil things I wish I could say in return, but alas, my mama raised me better than that.

You should smile more 

To be honest, I’m not sure what the intention behind this statement is, but I’ve found that men tend to say this a lot. I’m generally a happy person, but I don’t always find the need to make small talk and laugh with strangers… the introvert in me would have a heart attack! Strangely enough, the times that this was said to me were either preceded by “you’re pretty” or followed by “it makes you look pretty”. In both cases, I’ll keep my smile to myself thank you. Women are gems, we don’t sparkle in the dark. 

Phew, that was a rant and a half! We’ll leave it here before I get too carried away but If I’ve missed any deadly phrases, drop them down in the comment section!

29 Comments on “5 Things you should never say to a woman

  1. My personal least favourite deadly phrases – “When are you having a baby” or “How come you are single” 😐 I really hate the pressure that society puts on women, like were only here to get married and have children. Particularly the baby one really annoys me, because you don’t know what that woman or couple have been going through. They could have had 5 miscarriages, they could just not want kids right now or ever. Its really none of anybodies business.

    Now I’m on a rant too 😂

    • Ooooh that’s a good one! I keep getting asked when number 2 is coming along and it is so frustrating! Next time someone says that to you, I kick them really hard – I give you my approval 😉

      • Its legit nobodies business 🤣 jerks.

        Thank you, when they call the police on me and im in jail I shall refer them to this comment 🙌🏼

      • Do it! I’ll probably come over with a baseball bat to help you anyway so we’d both be in jail 🙈

  2. I agree with all how bad it is to ask/say of these, what are people thinking? or not thinking? stay in your lane! )

    • Lol interesting that you mentioned women saying it too. Sometimes we can be so disrespectful to ourselves!

  3. Hearing the words “Relax, it’s not that serious” is what puts women off opening up about their feelings when they are feeling a bit low or something. We all need to think before we speak, don’t underestimate the power of words and if you are not careful, your words can really hurt someone else!

    • Yes exactly! Thanks for sharing, Niraj. Please also pass on the word to your male friends so that they don’t make this mistake and risk being bitten alive 😀

  4. So many of these invalidate our feelings. Anything along the lines of “Calm down” or “Don’t get so worked up” automatically increases my saltiness 😄 It also bugs me when asked “Did you pick out my clothes for work tomorrow?” or “Did you wash my laundry yet?” Let me stop before I go on a rant 😂

    • Girl no… grown men can pick out their own clothes! 🤦🏾‍♀️ I hear you on that one! And also, it’s 2020 so the machines do the washing. It isn’t that hard to pop something in there and press a button if it is urgent!

  5. Great list… my favorite on it is “relax, it’s not that serious”… just saying it indicates that it really was serious and shows a lack of insight and forethought in the person’s emotions.

  6. Sometimes I wonder if they actually really can’t tell that these questions are annoying/offensive or if they just pretend to not know!

    • So you mean to say that the men aren’t oblivious just stupid? Lol your words not mine 😛 but I agree, sometimes the level of annoying is too dumbfounding to be real!

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