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  1. Happy Panda says

    That last point – omg! I was just thinking a few days back about how all my friends are a little broken and I so resonate with your post. I find it so hard to say no to someone and I feel so guilty after. I’m just a people pleaser I think. 🙈 I’m definitely not “too nice” but these are just points that I need to work on. Setting up boundaries and saying no to people that drain me.

  2. Olivia says

    I wouldn’t say that I’m too nice. I’m quite an honest and straightforward person. I have previously shown characteristics you wrote in your post but I learnt from it. Too many people use nice people to walk all over them. Learning the hard way and learning to feel comfortable to say no and not just do things because others want you to are just some things I’m learning as I get older. I also step in alot when I see this happening to people I know. I don’t allow the people I love to have their niceness abused either!

    • Shelly DS says

      That’s great! Sometimes we just gotta advocate for ourself and move on with life. Doing so doesn’t mean that you are less nice/kind. Good on you!

  3. Shahrin says

    The last point hit hard🙈
    I think I am nice but sometimes, it’s hard to draw the line despite knowing people are taking advantage of you. I struggled with this please a lot because I left if someone is being nice to be, I have to be extra, extra nice to them, do all the things they like even if I am not comfortable doing it.
    It’s a odd line between being grateful and sucking at expressing your view in case you hurt their feelings.

    Oh Shelly, your post makes me think🤔—I love it.
    Your writing🤗👏🏾 xx

    • Shelly DS says

      Oh no! Let’s practice saying no a few times then you can go back into the world 😉 Just remember that you should never do anything that you are uncomfortable with because you are your own responsibility. Being nice is wonderful, but you should never sacrifice yourself in that way.
      Thanks for reading and for your kind words 💖

  4. Jane Tawel says

    Yes. Lots of confusion about the difference between being kind and being nice, being loving in truthfulness and loving as cover for being untruthful. I do tend to try to take my cue from Jesus who was never nice, but always kind, and never loved without hard truths behind those acts of love. For women this is a tough one, as we are trained to be “nice” and as we all know that sends mixed messages and then gets strong women in trouble when they aren’t “nice”. On the flip side it is often men who are excused for “not being nice”. Again, some great ideas by Jesus on gender “inequality-niceness”. 🙂 Joy in the journey to you today.

  5. Amethyst says

    The last night musings seems to be going around. 💭
    I can definitely relate to this post Shelly. Saying no without feeling guilty is still a work in progress at the moment.
    I would love to read about you and your husband’s date. I guess that puts in the nosy category. 🧐😅

  6. Cindy Georgakas says

    Great Post as always Shelly!
    Giving of our hearts is so important right now as long as we are keeping our hearts and needs in mind first and foremost. Then we have more to share!💖

  7. Marissa says

    Yes to all of these! I have such a hard time saying no and it can be draining at times! Thanks for sharing this for us to relate to ❤️

  8. The Style of Laura Jane says

    I love all the examples you picked out. I don’t mind my friends being a little broken – I’m certainly not without flaws. But it’s an issue when they expect you to always try to help fix them, or when they make their problems the centre of your friendship. The thing that you most talk about. I also think you can love someone too much. An example of that is someone doing lots of things for someone else, purely out of love, but as a consequence, not letting the other person have the responsibility or growth they need.

    Your post has given me lots to think about. I enjoyed reading 🙂

  9. imifarm says

    I used to really struggle to say no and sometimes still do! Although I am getting better at not feeling guilty about it.
    Great post Shelly 😍

  10. Lady B says

    I definitely agree with so much of this! I believe I’m often too nice to the point where I get taken advantage. A lot of times, I say that people take my kindness for weakness. I have struggled to say no in the past, but I’m getting better and better at this and not allowing it to bother me.

  11. PoojaG says

    This post really resonated with me. I feel like I’m definitely one of those people that let people walk all over them for the sake of being nice. I’m a lot tougher now but a few years ago I would never have been able to say no to anyone. I also had some really toxic friends who I should have cut off years ago but finally did a few months back. Great post!

    • Shelly DS says

      It’s interesting to see how many bloggers are saying the same thing. Maybe it’s a personality trait that we all possess? It’s great that you’re being firmer and taking a stance on what you want/don’t want. Keep it up! Thanks for reading Pooja 💖

      • PoojaG says

        Yeah I guess writers/bloggers tend to be very sensitive so they feel guilty really easily if they say no to people. Thanks!!

  12. m11bna says

    I only learnt I was too ‘nice’ when my own family and loved ones once told me “please be selfish sometimes, their is no harm in it!”.
    It stabbed me when they said it, I couldn’t understand it…… Now I realise they saw how others where treating me, and they were hurting for me.
    If it weren’t for them, I probably would’ve given my arm and leg away to someone who definitely doesn’t deserve it.
    Loved your post ♥️

  13. Bolaji Gelax says

    I think I can be too nice but not all the time.

    And yes, I am nosy so I want the full gist about you and your husband 😁

  14. Helen says

    I love this post!! It’s awesome to be nice and it is something that we should all strive for. But when it is causing us to not think of ourselves first, or always putting other people first (like in a co-dependent relationship), then that is not healthy at all. AS with everything else in life, we should always strive for moderation. Never be too nice. Do good deeds because it is the right thing to do, but at a certain point you’ve also got to think of yourself too. You don’t always have to say yes.
    That is what I’ve struggled with. It’s hard to say no because of the fear of disappointing people or just letting them down. But you’ve got to take care of yourself first

    • Shelly DS says

      Thanks for sharing Helen. I used to be like that too… but now with kids and families of our own, we really need to be kind to ourselves!

I'd love to read your thoughts on this!

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