A Mother’s Day note for the girls without a mom

Today is International Mother’s Day, a day when we celebrate the amazing women in our lives. The women who fought to keep us alive for all these years, sacrificing a lot of themselves. The women who sat all night night with us as our fevers spiked, or rolled out of bed before sunrise because we wanted to play. What a wonderful thing it is to celebrate mothers across the globe… But what about the girls without a mom?

As much as today is a joyful day for the masses, it brings pain for us, motherless people. As a motherless girl, I’d be lying if I said it was a day of roses and butterflies. And as a mom, I would be feeding you a pile nonsense if I told you that I feel utterly loved on this day. If that is you too, just know that you are not alone.

So here’s a note to the motherless girls.

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be about painful memories

Growing up, my mother and I were inseparable. Most people had that one friend who they took everywhere and did everything with… But that friend was my mom. I ate what she ate. I put on her big shoes and wore her makeup. And I always wanted to do what she did.

Today is one of those days that I miss her most because of the crafts I used to make for her. I also remember baking with my sister and poking real flowers from our garden into the badly decorated cake, all because we wanted to make the day special for her. I also remember the poems we would write for her and decorate with extremely disfigured hearts…

As much as my mother isn’t here today, those are the memories I will allow to cloud my mind. Memories of the time well-spent, not of the loss of such an incredible human.

Related: Accepting Grief – Letting go

If you are one of the girls without a mom, celebrate your bonus moms

I’ve mentioned before that a mother isn’t just the person who gives birth to you. A mother doesn’t only have to be that person who was there for your childhood. And coming from someone who refuses to see anyone else in the same light, I urge you to be open-minded.

Today I will celebrate my dad for double-hatting as a mom and dad. I will celebrate my grandmother who always gave me good advice. And I will celebrate myself, for stepping up to the role and being a mother to myself when I needed it the most.

A lot of the girls without a mom have someone who played that role. It can be an aunt, a cousin, a sibling, or a father. Whoever that person is in your life, celebrate them today because they deserve it.

Related: 11 Mother’s Day gift ideas for a special day

Make this day about something else

Just because we don’t have mothers, that isn’t a reason not to celebrate the day.

I am a mother now to a beautiful girl. I’ve been a mother for nearly three years now, and today was the first time she said “Happy Mother’s Day” to me. I won’t say how that made me feel, because words cannot describe the warmth that filled my heart. But what I can say is that the realization had made me tear up… Today is about me!

Last night, I slept with my daughter who has a terrible cough. Well… slept is an overstatement because most of the night was spent checking her temperature, holding her hand and putting her back to sleep. The joys of motherhood!

So instead of focusing on the mother I don’t have, I will be focusing on the mother I have become. I will hug my daughter just a little tighter today. I will give her a few more kisses. And I will treat myself to a quiet bubble bath.

Yes, I miss my mother today, but this day is still a beautiful one to celebrate regardless.

Are you one of the girls without a mom? What are your plans for this day?

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