I’ve mentioned in “Learning to Love Again” how the rollercoaster called life presented itself to me in the years following my mother’s passing, but it is almost impossible to tap into the progress without mentioning a few things. I say that life “presented itself to me” because looking back it almost feels surreal, like I am watching a movie playing before my eyes. The girl who went through years of depression, begging for love and affection was not who I am today, nor is it someone I truly identify with. There are scars, both physical and emotional, that remind me of how real my experience was and I pray that my little girl never has to feel the way that I once did, but if she does, it is important for her to know that her mom also had ups and downs. Yes, I felt that way. I felt – that is something I remind myself each time the memories of my journey bring shame. Today I accept my journey as something that moulded me into the strong woman I am today.
Little Spawn, one day when I am no longer here, just know that I know how you feel. I have documented every detail of her life and my emotions in the hopes that it will one day reveal to you the depth of the woman who rocked you to sleep.
Be sure to check out the other parts of the ‘Accepting Grief’ series: