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I know you don’t want anyone to know about it but don’t worry this is a safe place, no one will judge you. We’ve actually all done it before – yes, all of us. I started having a threesome quite soon after getting married actually. My husband is very open and tends to encourage it when he wants to be alone in his own thoughts or lost in his world of anime. Personally, I find it to be a little unromantic, but fun doesn’t always have to be romantic, right?

Sorry, I realise how misleading this sounds but I did take you there intentionally. Most of you either gasped, your eyes widened or you judged me heavily for saying that I bring other people into my bed, but you do it too. Every night when you respond to a text message or have a full conversation with your friend, you have brought them into your bed. I do it too. Regardless of whether you are single or not, it isn’t always the best thing to turn your sleep sanctuary into a meeting room for many reasons. After alI, I highly doubt that you would allow for everyone you interact with to come and lie beside you as you prepare to dose off. If you do, this post isn’t for you.

For some background, I’ve suffered with insomnia since my mom fell ill in 2005. Fifteen years later and I cannot fall asleep unless I take something that makes me drowsy or knocks me out completely. I’ve seen a psychiatrist and a psychologist, worked through my ‘issues’ as best as we could but nothing really seems to solve the sleep issues. One of the things I had been told do to (which admittedly isn’t going so well) is to stop using electronics at least one hour before bedtime and make sure that my bed is reserved solely for sleep. Instead, I find myself surfing the internet for all the random things my brain chooses to think about when the house goes silent. It’s quite odd that only when I’m ready to sleep do I suddenly start googling what causes ‘meth mouth’ or how to care for orchids – but I digress.

Whether or not you are in a relationship, I challenge you to think about who you bring into your bed at night and how that impacts your sleep. For most of you, this may be irrelevant, but for anyone suffering from anxiety or depression which is compounded or presented as difficulty falling or staying asleep, can you honestly say that you are not aggravating the problem by using that innocent looking smartphone?

The science

Did you know that using electronics at night before bed impairs the release of melatonin – the sleep hormone – and can have a damaging effect on your circadian rhythm (body clock)? Throwing it back to our ancestors who did not have access to gadgets, electricity or clocks, have you ever wondered how they stuck to regular cycles? Without getting too technical, melatonin production occurs in the evenings when it is dark and the use of electronics tricks the body into thinking that it is still daytime. The result of this is the need for sleep inducing drugs, followed by caffeine in the morning so we are able to function during the daytime. I’m no doctor or scientist, so I’ll leave the explanation to the professionals.

The logic

If you are married or living with your significant other, then you will know that going to bed at the same time and waking up together is very satisfying. I personally prefer to have my husband as the last person I speak to before falling asleep and the first one I greet in the morning. Of course there is always an exception to this rule – it’s called life. But can you imagine how much of an impact diverting your attention from strangers after a certain time at night and focusing it on your partner would have on your relationship? And we are not just talking about on special occasions, what would happen if this happened every day? Now I’m sure there will be people reading this thinking that this isn’t applicable because they aren’t in a romantic relationship, but don’t worry, there’s something in it for you too. Which leads me to …

The psychology

Have you met those annoying people who have studied for years and suddenly think they are entitled to give an opinion on everything? Apologies, that’s what I’m about to do. Let’s take something as simple as daily affirmations… these are things that almost every mental health advocate will encourage you to do either first thing in the morning or just before you head to bed because if you repeat something enough times, your brain can be tricked into thinking that it is true. Also, being the last thing you do before you sleep, your brain is then allowed to process the words as you drift off into slumber. Now replace the daily affirmations with social media, spend a few hours right before bed looking at fitness models on instagram, or watching people vlog fake representations of their lives and then allow yourself to drift off with this altered representation of what happiness and success looks like. Do that for a few months and then try to explain why you aren’t satisfied with your own life.

The takeaway

We were all taught from a very young age that there is a time and place for everything, but it seems that with age, we have successfully blurred the lines just because we can. While I am in no place to expect everyone to accept my ‘aha’ moment as gospel, it is really important to take a second to analyse all of the daily habits that may be influencing our mental health. You know that little device that helps us achieve so many tasks and keep in touch with our loved ones… is it bringing more into your bedroom than you’d like to admit?

I’m curious to know; are you having a threesome?

17 Comments on “Are you having a threesome?

  1. I can’t say I’m having a threesome because I tend to go to bed alone, unless my dog decides to join lol. But I can relate to how being on your phone before bed can really mess with you. I tried for such a long time to get off my phone before sleeping but I just couldn’t do it. Its hard, if its not my phone its the tv or my iPad.
    I agree with you, we need to take time out from devices. So many times I’ve gone to sleep and had so many thoughts rushing through my mind because I have been scrolling and taking so much in!

    • Lol the dog counts! Group chats too 😅 thanks so much for reading Liv~ I doubt very many people are able to do without their devices before bed, hey!

  2. Very fun take on the subject, and so informative, too! I agree with focusing on your partner, and just making this the priority. It makes all the difference in the world. I suppose for others, it will be hard to get off the phone, but all it takes is practice. Like everything else, this is a habit that can be adjusted.

    • Thanks so much for reading 😊 I’m glad it caught your attention~ and I hope one day I’ll be able to take my own advice! Haha

  3. Ha ha. You had me going there for a bit. I usually leave my devices downstairs when I go to bed, unless I need to set an early alarm to go pick my daughter up after night shift.

    I feel your pain on the insomnia front. I am a terrible sleeper, despite doing all the “right things” the experts suggest.

    • Haha nope, proudly monogamous 😅 You seem to have the right process already so it surprises me that you still struggle sleeping! Do you take sedatives?

      • I try to blame it on age but then I remember I’ve never really been a good sleeper. LOL I sometimes take Benadryl and it helps me get a good night’s sleep.

  4. Yes! Everything about your post is great and it’s extremely informative. Getting good sleep is difficult without the extra obstacles, my husband and I have been extremely conscious about doing this lately because we started to realize what an impact it actually has. Thank you for this!

  5. I’m proof that it can be done – going to bed without using devices for at least an hour before. What I’ll do is do a meditation or yoga or read a book on my Kindle (I don’t count it as a device). Sometimes I’ll journal. An hour goes pretty quickly. I definitely fall asleep much faster on those days. Also, I have my phone set to not disturb me after 7 pm. That way I’m not lured to my phone and I refuse to check notifications or messages before bed. You can do it!!

  6. I LOVE this title! It gave me a chuckle 😄 Yes I admit to having a threesome too often. Especially on the nights I make a new blog post. But I am trying to work on leaving my phone alone at bedtime since I started noticing my husband spending more time on his phone at bedtime too.

  7. Girl you had me messed up with that opening 😩 but yes I am having a 3some. I too struggle with insomnia it also started in 2005 when I had surgery and the nurses would wake me up every four hours from my medicine now it’s me insomnia and my phone smh

    • Hahahaha that was the point 😛 gosh that sucks since it was something that was supposed to help you, not mess with your sleep (and sanity) for the rest of your life! How are you dealing with the insomnia?

  8. Right smh but a few years ago I noticed that smelling things help me fall asleep because it relaxes me. I used to sniff my deodorant before bed because it smells like a nice sexy masculine man😂😂😂 but year I started getting into candles

  9. Pingback: The 10 best blog posts I read in November - Boomer Eco Crusader

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