Are you having a threesome?

I know you don’t want anyone to know about it but don’t worry this is a safe place, no one will judge you. We’ve actually all done it before – yes, all of us. I started having a threesome quite soon after getting married actually. My husband is very open and tends to encourage it when he wants to be alone in his own thoughts or lost in his world of anime. Personally, I find it to be a little unromantic, but fun doesn’t always have to be romantic, right?

Sorry, I realise how misleading this sounds but I did take you there intentionally. Most of you either gasped, your eyes widened or you judged me heavily for saying that I bring other people into my bed, but you do it too. Every night when you respond to a text message or have a full conversation with your friend, you have brought them into your bed. I do it too. Regardless of whether you are single or not, it isn’t always the best thing to turn your sleep sanctuary into a meeting room for many reasons. After alI, I highly doubt that you would allow for everyone you interact with to come and lie beside you as you prepare to dose off. If you do, this post isn’t for you.

For some background, I’ve suffered with insomnia since my mom fell ill in 2005. Fifteen years later and I cannot fall asleep unless I take something that makes me drowsy or knocks me out completely. I’ve seen a psychiatrist and a psychologist, worked through my ‘issues’ as best as we could but nothing really seems to solve the sleep issues. One of the things I had been told do to (which admittedly isn’t going so well) is to stop using electronics at least one hour before bedtime and make sure that my bed is reserved solely for sleep. Instead, I find myself surfing the internet for all the random things my brain chooses to think about when the house goes silent. It’s quite odd that only when I’m ready to sleep do I suddenly start googling what causes ‘meth mouth’ or how to care for orchids – but I digress.

Whether or not you are in a relationship, I challenge you to think about who you bring into your bed at night and how that impacts your sleep. For most of you, this may be irrelevant, but for anyone suffering from anxiety or depression which is compounded or presented as difficulty falling or staying asleep, can you honestly say that you are not aggravating the problem by using that innocent looking smartphone?

The science

Did you know that using electronics at night before bed impairs the release of melatonin – the sleep hormone – and can have a damaging effect on your circadian rhythm (body clock)? Throwing it back to our ancestors who did not have access to gadgets, electricity or clocks, have you ever wondered how they stuck to regular cycles? Without getting too technical, melatonin production occurs in the evenings when it is dark and the use of electronics tricks the body into thinking that it is still daytime. The result of this is the need for sleep inducing drugs, followed by caffeine in the morning so we are able to function during the daytime. I’m no doctor or scientist, so I’ll leave the explanation to the professionals.

The logic

If you are married or living with your significant other, then you will know that going to bed at the same time and waking up together is very satisfying. I personally prefer to have my husband as the last person I speak to before falling asleep and the first one I greet in the morning. Of course there is always an exception to this rule – it’s called life. But can you imagine how much of an impact diverting your attention from strangers after a certain time at night and focusing it on your partner would have on your relationship? And we are not just talking about on special occasions, what would happen if this happened every day? Now I’m sure there will be people reading this thinking that this isn’t applicable because they aren’t in a romantic relationship, but don’t worry, there’s something in it for you too. Which leads me to …

The psychology

Have you met those annoying people who have studied for years and suddenly think they are entitled to give an opinion on everything? Apologies, that’s what I’m about to do. Let’s take something as simple as daily affirmations… these are things that almost every mental health advocate will encourage you to do either first thing in the morning or just before you head to bed because if you repeat something enough times, your brain can be tricked into thinking that it is true. Also, being the last thing you do before you sleep, your brain is then allowed to process the words as you drift off into slumber. Now replace the daily affirmations with social media, spend a few hours right before bed looking at fitness models on instagram, or watching people vlog fake representations of their lives and then allow yourself to drift off with this altered representation of what happiness and success looks like. Do that for a few months and then try to explain why you aren’t satisfied with your own life.

The takeaway

We were all taught from a very young age that there is a time and place for everything, but it seems that with age, we have successfully blurred the lines just because we can. While I am in no place to expect everyone to accept my ‘aha’ moment as gospel, it is really important to take a second to analyse all of the daily habits that may be influencing our mental health. You know that little device that helps us achieve so many tasks and keep in touch with our loved ones… is it bringing more into your bedroom than you’d like to admit?

I’m curious to know; are you having a threesome?