Can a man understand what women go through?

In case you haven’t noticed, the blog has undergone yet another change. This time, the change is ever so subtle that it could’ve been missed. Thursdays have now become “creative Thursdays”, a time to shy away from structure and SEO, and just let the creative juices flow. Last week, we had a guest post by a good friend of mine, and this week we have yet another guest poster gracing the blog – my husband. Hope you enjoy the food for thought!

Guest post by Nuno Da Silva

(What women go through – A man’s perspective)

I first started thinking about this when there were protests in India about a woman who was raped, and killed, while she was taking the bus home. Then came the campaign to get back the girls that were abducted in Nigeria, culminating in the #MeToo movement. 

I’m a man, I try to be as understanding and considerate as possible, so I joined these movements, as best as I could. I joined the marches, joined in conversations, even changed my profile picture. Then… nothing happens. I’m a man, and because of that I can never fully understand, I don’t get it.

We make a joke or pass a comment about a woman and she completely overreacts, except she doesn’t. I no longer believe that people can overreact, I believe that I just can’t see everything they’re reacting to. 

Well, what’s the problem?

Its a lingering glance that goes on just long enough to make you feel unsafe. It’s that inappropriate joke or a passing things off as that time of the month. It’s having to worry about someone feeling justified to say something, or do something, because of your clothing. Be passed over for a promotion that should’ve been yours. All things that on their own seem small, things that I don’t have to deal with as a man.

Even though all of these actions and situations are small, and seem insignificant, they still have weight. They don’t just happen once in a while. These things, small and light on their own, get added to you every single day. Before you know it the weight you carry, the weight that’s been piled on to you, becomes a boulder. But you’re strong, you fight to push through, you can carry that weight. The problem is that people continue to add to your boulder, and you have to carry it every single day. Magazines, movies and music also pile on, and you get to the point where you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world. 

And the outcome?

When a person is carrying that much weight they will always reach a point when they can’t take it anymore, their strength is at its limit, it’s not possible, so when something gets added and everything boils over. No person can, or should, carry the weight of the world. 

I cannot understand what it’s like to be a woman, I don’t carry that weight. But what I can do is realise that you are carrying a lot, and stop adding to the weight. To do what I can to lift the burden even if it’s just a pebble. But this is something I cannot do alone, this is the weight of the world after all, and that’s the point. The weight of the world becomes easier to carry when we’re all lifting together*.

(Inspired by ‘End of YoRha from NieR: Automata)

Also by Nuno: The Power of Music