A lot of you already know that I am married to my best friend and have a beautiful daughter. What you probably don’t know is that all of our dating phase and a few months of our marriage were actually long distance. Yes, my current life is a product of a long distance relationship!
I personally didn’t believe that something of the sort could work out given that I had tried it twice before. What made this time different was obviously the phase in life that we were in, but also our intentions. While many people might actually have good intentions, that isn’t always going to be enough.
I’ve learned that the recipe for success varies based on the ingredients and how they work well together. The same way you can’t mix the yeast into dough without sugar and expect it to rise is the same way you can’t expect a long distance relationship to work without careful consideration. You also can’t just mix the cold ingredients and expect it to turn into bread without the heat. So how can you mix a hot person with someone with extremely cold feet and expect sourdough?
Okay, I might be hungry as I type this, but that doesn’t make any of it any less relevant. You want to know the secret of how my long distance relationship worked out?
Here are some other important factors of my long distance relationship that turned it into a marriage.

Communication
This one is a bit of a no-brainer to some, but communication played a vital role in sustaining my relationship.
My husband and I learnt very early on in the game that we needed to up our communication game to have a sustainable relationship. This wasn’t just a ‘long distance relationship’ consideration. It is actually, the firm foundation we both wanted to maintain once our relationship progressed into marriage.
I needed him to know that trust was a big issue on my part. It wasn’t a reflection on his character, but a result of my previous relationships. He also needed to know about my personal struggles including daddy issues, depression, and so on. I, on the other hand, needed to know that he didn’t want to feel suffocated or controlled. Also nothing triggered by me, but a product of his upbringing and life experiences.
And knowing this wasn’t enough on both parts. We needed to know just how to respond to each other’s triggers.
So when I lashed out at him, he would calmly ask me how my day was. Can you imagine someone responding to anger by asking random questions?
The very first few times, I was confused and a bit upset that he was changing the subject. But the more he did this, the easier it was for us to identify just what it was that triggered my reaction. Spoiler alert; it was almost never him.
Related: Learning to love again
Understanding our love languages
My husband is not one to enjoy long phone calls, and yet I needed them to feel loved and appreciated. He’s an ‘uh-huh’, ‘okay’ kind of person when speaking on the phone. Yes, one of those! However, despite his dislike for long-winded and repetitive conversations, he made the effort to call me every day. And in return, I texted him when I missed him. It wasn’t always perfect but it was a happy medium.
Of course, there were moments when I would just pick up the phone and dial him. But after a few mishaps with emergency bypass, we learned to work around it.
All I needed was just to have someone on the end of the line, you know, hear him breathing. So I listened to him typing, playing PlayStation, or listening to music. Luckily, he didn’t care too much about my clingy, stalker-like tendencies. My level of weird worked for him and his love language too.
It seems a little strange right now, but back then, it meant the world to me since that was the closest to being in the same room.
Frequent travel
I know that most people do not have the luxury of traveling every month, so skip over this if you are looking for a solution. Luckily for my now-husband and me, we were lucky enough to do so. So what do two lovebirds with no limitations do? We traveled.
Not a month would go by without either of us traveling to visit the other. Luckily a huge chunk of our expenses was billed to our companies as we’d travel mainly for business. They didn’t need to know that we would extend our trips by a few days to spend time together! Shhhh! Semantics.
The other important part of our traveling endeavors was to schedule a vacation together. So this way we could explore a different part of the world together. You know what they say about all work and no play!
Honesty
The man I’m married to has never really changed, but the way I feel about him and how much I trust him has. If someone were to tell me that they saw my husband chatting up a lady or drinking in a club, I would laugh at both.
Heres’s why;
I remember quite a few uncomfortable conversations that my husband and I had before tying the knot. A lot of them were related to exes, closure and just regular habits.
Back in the day, I wasn’t too keen to have such conversations. But knowing now how our relationship turned out, I would recommend it to everyone who asks.
We covered parts of the other person’s character that we weren’t too comfortable with. Interactions with the opposite sex and how they made us feel. We even swapped passwords for every single social platform and device. And for extra stalker points, we activated “find my friends”. Of course, each of these was done with different motives. For example, ‘find my friends’ was to help with my anxiety of him traveling so much. The passwords were shared because we switched to family versions of certain subscriptions, etc. And if you are a woman who has unlimited access to everything your man does, you know how much trust that can build.
It may seem a bit extreme – I promise we aren’t insane. When you live so far from the person you are courting, having access to their daily lives becomes so much more important!
Conclusion: What made my long distance relationship work?
Before meeting the right person, long distance never worked for me. It took finding someone who was open to being stalked if it made me feel less anxious to get through the phase. Of course, I am not suggesting you search for stalkers. No, you need to find someone equally as weird as you are for it to work.
These are obviously things that worked for my husband and me, and may not be applicable to everyone. What is important is to establish just what a functional long distance relationship looks like to you and your partner. Once you’ve done that, implement it as soon as possible!
Do you believe that a long distance relationship can work? Have you ever been in one?
Let’s link up on social media! Catch you on Twitter and Pinterest
i’m so glad that you both found a way to make it work !
Thanks hun! I wouldn’t wish long distance on my worst enemy, but it works 😅
My daughter married an Aussie , sunk know
I know it can work , my daughter married an Aussie )
😂 are you in a long distance relationship with your daughter now? 😅
They moved back to the states a few years ago, but I was for a while
Communication Communication
I struggled a lot in opening up especially if am offended or something wrong done to me. Am a type who just snap out of matters quick and not deal with them head on.
Am also in a long distance relationship and the guy am dating has taught metk be more vocal. He actually insisted that if you really want this relationship to work out, you need to be communicative. AMD more than happier to say it has helped to be comfortable and know that my opinions matters too. Communication helped us and we are two years in a relationship now.
Oh girl wow two years! That’s quite long! I’m glad to hear that it’s working for you, but I hope it won’t be for too long. How on earth are you surviving?
I also think trust is more important in a relationship as much as communication is
The idea of long distance relationship was wild to me but now I think it’s about meeting your person and as you said having “those conversations”. It needs work and a lot of compromising but what relationship doesn’t.
Can we take a moment for this sentence😂😂”mix a hot person with someone with extremely cold feet and expect sourdough?”😂✨😆😂🙌🏽🙌🏽
Gosh yeah it’s hard! But it isn’t impossible… and for someone like me who really hates confrontation, having so many phone chats definitely made us eliminate all boundary walls!
Dropping you an email now btw 😉
Despite its reputation at not working, I do believe that long distance relationship can work. It is harder because you don’t physically see the person everyday. But with love and commitment and honesty and communication, it is possible. It is just so much harder.
Yeah exactly! Definitely doable but only if the work is worth it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts 💖
Great post!! I always thought long distance relationships would never work. Long distance relationship is harder because you can not physically see the person every day day in day out but abs with endless love it will work!! Long distance relationships are hard but it’s great to hear you both figured it all our and now you have beautiful spawn together💕💕💕 I love reading your blog posts, keep up the great work you’re an amazing blogger xxx
Thanks Maya, I appreciate the love. Long distance surely isn’t for everyone, but the greatest part about living in the 21st century is that you can communicate easily and flying isn’t a problem😉
Your welcome Shelly!! That’s the best bit!! I totally agree
So happy that it worked out!
Me too! XD
I’m an “uh-huh” person too. I’m awkward and don’t know what to say most of the time, so I resort to generalized reactions. This doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate talking, though!
You’re super cute! 😂 We’d suck on the phone because I ramble, and you just “uh-huh” 🙈
Hey, nothing wrong with that!
It’s never about the distance, it’s all about the person ❤❤❤ and you both proved it
This is adorable ❤❤
Awww thanks hun 😀 You have me blushing!
Cool story! So happy to know that you two made it work! 🤗
Thanks hun! 🙂
Yw!
Long distance relationship is very difficult. A short period of time in my early life I was in long distance relationship, I do not want it again.
Yeah, I wouldn’t wish long distance on my worst enemy. However, if you do it with the right person, it can work 😉
The success of long distance relationships definitely depends on the 2 people. Like you said, it’s also important where you are in your relationship. I’ve been with my boyfriend over 6 years now and luckily never long distance, but I’d think we’d be more successful at it now than we might have been earlier on in meeting. Communication would definitely be key!
Oh wow 6 years is such a long time! You guys have been together longer than any relationship I’ve ever had! lol
I hope you never have to do long-distance, but like you said, if you communicate, it will work.
You hit the nail on the head with communication! That’s key in any relationship and I imagine extremely key in a long d one, only bc that’s all you have to go on.. Good for you guys for making it work and it sounds like it took consistent effort too which is key to any lasting marriage I think!
I think trust is also a huge component. Everyone has a past and sometimes it takes a huge leap of faith to get where you need to be! ❤️🙏
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts 💖
Gosh trust is such a deal-breaker in so many cases! I can’t imagine staying with someone I don’t trust, let alone long distance.
Congratulations on making it work! I was in a 2 years LDR until we tied the knot in 2014 and still going strong now.
My take is for a LDR to work, you need maturity and sensibility. Lots of doubts can create havoc in your mind if you aren’t strong enough to shut them down. If both of you can see the end goal, nothing else will sway you from loving and trusting each other.
Glad you both have found a way to make it work, and claiming under work expense for trips 😁😁😁😁
Hahaha yeah I think we have to attribute our entire marriage to the company! 😂😂😂