Recently, I shared some of my goals for 2022 and one of them was to start a YouTube channel. Considering that the only creative bone I have in my body is the bone, this comes as a bit of a shock to everyone I know. Heck, it even came as a shock to me! But alas, nothing in my life ever tends to make sense, so I will receive the channel with open arms.
So we are now in January 2022, and it’s time to make that goal a reality… But all I feel is dread. Maybe a tinge of excitement, but mostly cold, nerve-wracking dread.
Not being good enough
The best YouTube channels all have something special about them. And no, I’m not just talking about the personality of the hosts. It’s the transitions, the intros with the B-roll (something I’ve just learnt today), the sound effects…
When I think about my favourite YouTubers, the list does not consist of a plain Jane with zero personality or filmography skills… And yet, that is exactly who I will be. Well, minus the zero personality, of course.
So what if I’m not good enough? What if my YouTube Channel never gets any views? And what if after two years, I still don’t get the tricks of the trade?
One thing is me feeling inadequate, another is someone telling me that I am.
Growing up in Japan, I was taught that we need to humble ourselves all the time. Someone tells you that you speak well, tell them you don’t. Someone tells you that you are so clever, deny it…
The only difference between a typical Japanese girl and me is that I internalized those words I was trained to say.
Pair the lack of confidence with a troll, and I am worried about what it will do to me. Of course, I could disable comments and all of that jazz, but part of the joys of being on social media platforms just like this one is interacting with people who genuinely have something to say.
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Having a YouTube channel on top of everything else
Hello, my name is Michelle and I am exhausted. Mom, wife, full-time employee, and a blogger – something’s gonna give it I add a YouTube channel to the plate!
I’ve written posts on how I
manage juggle some of my responsibilities, but the honest truth is that some days it gets overwhelming. There are days when I snap at my toddler or completely ignore my spouse. There are times when I go to work and just highlight blank cells on excel. Heck, I’m also well-known for doodling in meetings!
All of this to say that my concern is more so for my mental health than actually having more to do. I’m sure I’ll find a way to manage, but at what expense?
When I started my blog, I was okay with the idea of no one ever reading my work. It also didn’t matter if people liked what I was writing because no one really knew me. Plus, I was writing under a Pseudo name…
YouTube is different.
While I can still keep some anonymity with regards to my real name, my location, and what I actually do, my face will be on the channel.
Similar to Mindy from Emily in Paris, would I have to move to another continent to get away from the disaster should it come to pass? And if I try to delete any videos, what’s to guarantee that someone wouldn’t have copied it and made a meme out of me?
On a personal level, this is all quite manageable, but what about if this affects my career?
But what if it thrives?
Believe it or not, I am also afraid that this YouTube channel will thrive. I’ve been asked a few times before if I would like to become a CEO or to win a million dollars and my worry is what I will become if any of these scenarios were to be realised.
Regardless, I will trudge on with my plans of creating a Youtube channel, because, without growth, we are nothing. And I hope that you will challenge yourself to do something out of your comfort zone too!
For anyone wondering, here’s the very first video on my channel. YOLO!
If you have a YouTube Channel, what are some things that you feared most before going live?
Pssst! Let’s hang on the socials!