*Beep beep beep beep*
That alarm is irritating, why must it beep like that? It’s doing it on purpose, it knows I only got a few hours of sleep. 3 hours and 47 minutes to be exact, according to my sleep tracker. This is ridiculous, how did it JUST WAKE ME UP if it knows that I didn’t get enough sleep? I might have to write a formal complaint to Apple at some point because this cannot be acceptable. I mean, why collect all of my data and create trends if you can’t even allow for a little more sleep! To add on to this already ruined morning, my dear daughter is going through her 22-month sleep regression, or so the forums and blogs say. She was up all night, when it was my turn with her. This is after her 16, 18, 19 and 21-month regressions. Those blogs are irritating, why must they bother write articles like that – making money off several articles when what they are really hinting at is that toddlers lives are a regression? They can’t fool me, I see right through it. Ugh, it’s going to be one of those days.
I have an early meeting, so I have to get out of bed and prepare. People at work are so irritating, who sets up a meeting at 8am? I don’t care that I didn’t have another slot open, don’t they know I didn’t get enough sleep?
Great… now I’m being blamed on the video call, for something someone else did. There may come a day when I just sit and take it… but today is not that day. I shout back, “I WILL NOT be blamed for something some else did”. The people on the call look shocked, but I DON’T CARE, not today. These video calls are irritating, why must everyone have their camera on? And that guy in the white shirt has terrible lighting, not to mention his wife keeps walking around in the background.
I shouted, I let it out… so why do I feel worse?
I start working, and Michelle brings me coffee. She’s so irritating, why must this coffee be hot? The way she brought me breakfast was irritating, she should’ve guessed I wanted an extra piece of toast today. And now she’s just sitting next to me, eating… and breathing. Why must she breathe so loud? She’s doing it on purpose.
Now Gabby is finally awake, she kept me up all night and decided my alarm was a signal to sleep. She did it on purpose. It doesn’t matter that she can’t talk, she knows what she did. Her walk is so irritating, why must she take such small steps, and now she wants to give me a hug. I’ll give you a hug, but your cuteness won’t work today.
These people are too much. I need to shut everything out. I put on my headphones and shuffle my ‘Favorites’ playlist.
I sit at my desk and start working. ‘Happy’ by Pharrell starts playing. ‘Song Skipped’. Nope, not today.
‘I Don’t Care’ by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber, that’s better. Fine, I’ll let this one play. Why did he have to blame me during that call, I was right to shout back, he was irritating. This coffee isn’t too bad though.
‘Please Don’t Let Me Go’ – Group 1 Crew. Gabby’s pulling at me, she wants a letter on the table next to me to complete her alphabet puzzle. I hand it over and watch her go put it down. Wait, did she just complete the entire puzzle by herself? My baby is so smart – but I can’t think that now… I’m upset. Must, stay, mad. She is kind of cute though.
‘Lifeline’ – Papa Roach. Gabby decides to throw a puzzle piece at my head. That was irritating. But she probably didn’t do it on purpose. ‘Here Baby, please don’t throw things at Papa. Go play with Mama’
‘Good Morning World’ – Burnout Syndromes. How did I find this song again? Oh yes it plays during one of my favorite shows, I finally found an Anime that Michelle likes. The last episode was really good, can’t wait for the next one.
‘Legendz’ – AG (Feat Devvonn Terrell). Was I just moving to the beat? Nope, not possible. I’m in a bad mood right? I feel kind of bad for shouting though, he did admit that he blamed the wrong person. Maybe I should apologise?
‘Norwegian Reggaeton’ – NanowaR of Steel. I’m glad no one knows what kind of music I like, jumping from one genre to the other like this isn’t normal, fun though. Michelle brought me another cup of coffee, I think she could tell I didn’t get too much sleep yesterday, and its boiling hot… just how I like it.
‘Attention’ – Pentatonix cover. Michelle taps me on the shoulder. “Bugsy, you’re singing kinda loudly and I’m trying to put Gabby down for her nap. I thought you weren’t in the best mood”.
Wait, was I singing… out loud?
“Music produces a kind of pleasure which human nature cannot do without.”`Confucius
Being diagnosed with narcolepsy changed quite a few things in my life with the biggest impact being on my mood. You know that feeling of staying up for forty eight hours straight, and then having to take coffee to keep yourself up for a few hours more while you get through your meetings? You don’t? Maybe, think back to a time in university when you pulled a few all nighters to finish an assignment… Getting warmer? Well, it’s been eight years since my diagnosis so the fatigue and irritability has compounded to the extremes. I’ve tried all sorts of medication and sleep therapies, name a gimmick, I’ve probably tried it – and nothing has helped. One thing I learned very quickly is that words have power. It is only logical that if you have something playing in your head for the whole day, repeating the same words over and over, its going to affect you – for better or for worse. So I decided to recreate my playlist, to focus on music that’s upbeat, and has positive lyrics.
What I described above was a typical day in my head – minus the shouting, I don’t shout. I was in a bad mood, but music has that effect on me, I guess it has that effect on a lot of people changing my mood from the inside out.