Have you ever stopped to think about how fast time is passing? I don’t mean just uttering the words or thinking about how long ago your high school graduation was. I’m talking about sitting deep in thought about how periods of life have whizzed past so quickly. Well, I have been thinking about that a lot lately, because I am about to enter another decade of life. And just like this time ten years ago, I have been feeling afraid about getting older.
Of course, there are many reasons for this, which might sound silly to everyone who has passed this milestone. However, if you are on the same side of thirty as me, you may relate to some of the fears I have.
This post isn’t meant to age-shame, rather, to highlight some simple fears that we all come across at some point in life. So whether you’re ninety or nineteen, lets bond over some trivial fears that don’t matter in the long run.
Getting older means wrinkles…
Wrinkles have always been very beautiful to me. I remember looking at my gorgeous grandmother’s face and hoping to age as gracefully as she did. As a child, everyone older than twenty was basically old to me, and the older they were, the smarter I perceived them to be. So it was a no-brainer that I wanted to be as smart as they were too.
Now that I have matured physically and gained the responsibilities of an adult, it suddenly doesn’t seem as appealing.
I know this is a normal process of life, and unless I choose to leave this earth early, wrinkles are inevitable. However, at nearly thirty physically, (but mentally a teen) I cannot fathom this process. Even now, I look at some pictures and see some fine lines that I didn’t notice before. My theory used to be that my husband drew them on my face whilst I was asleep… Then I looked at his own face and realised that it wasn’t a prank.
…and grey hairs
I have them… The greys – they’re here. Not just one disappearing one, but many of them. I’ve even found greys in places that shouldn’t even be grey yet! And as someone who has never dyed my hair before, the idea of cooking my fried tresses in ‘chemical distress’ is sounding more appealing each day.
I remember finding half a grey at twelve years old. Back then, it was pretty cool to have, and even when my sister plucked it out, it came right back until it never did. Well, I forgot about my silver strand for over a decade. That is, until I woke up one day and noticed a sea of silver.
We always talk about silver linings, but no one actually wants to have them in their head, on their eyelashes, and everywhere else. So mascara – my long-lost friend – has suddenly become my soulmate! (They don’t have to know!)
Getting older also means weight gain
So here is the thing, calories in vs calories out, right? But have you noticed that teens easily lose weight by cutting out a few cookies here and there? If I were a man, I probably wouldn’t really care much about this because it seems that their metabolisms are just as amazing. However, I am a woman. You know the species that can just sniff some food and suddenly gain ten pounds? Yeah, that’s the one.
Of course, exercise and a controlled diet will keep the weight gain at bay. However, I have already noticed that my regular workouts need to be ramped up if I want to see similar results. And let’s not ignore the fact that I suddenly don’t seem to need nearly as much calories…
If you ask me, there’s no upside to living on a permanent diet, so I will just accept that my weight will steadily increase. There’ll be more of me for the grandkids to share!
… and less energy
Oh my, how easy it was to spend the night partying and then show up for class as a university student. I remember even heading to part-time jobs and surviving on a weekly average of about thirty-five to forty hours of sleep. Yes, I was tired, but I was functioning normally.
Now that I am shifting to ‘the wrong side of thirty’, even date night is enough to leave me feeling fatigued. Mind you, my husband and I always return before midnight!
The very few times I have been out since becoming a mother, I have regretted it immensely. And it really doesn’t have anything to do with the early mornings my toddler forces me into the next day. Nope – she could sleep till 8 and I would still feel like I spent the night rock-climbing.
So if this is what life is like at twenty-nine, should I expect to live in my bed permanently in ten years?
And getting older means my daughter will grow up
Shifting away from the superficial things, what really scares me about getting older is that my daughter will too. I would love to experience her first day of school, attend her sporting events and even cheer loudly at her graduation. But with ageing comes heartbreak, deception and tantrums.
Before I had my kid, I always joked about how I would send her to boarding school as soon as she started asking “why”. I mean, it sounds silly now, but my logic was that children are annoying when they keep asking you why, why, why. And they are always dirty, they destroy things and they basically leech off their parents. Prove me wrong by showing me a parent whose energy cup is full, and I’ll give you a million dollars!
Then spawn came along, and all I want to do is spend every waking minute with her. I don’t understand how she can suddenly reach on top of counters, or climb onto the vanities. I don’t know when she suddenly learnt to tell stories. And I also cannot explain why she is sometimes more logical than me.
Soon enough, I will be crying as my daughter exchanges vows with the love of her life. And I will be wondering why time took away mine…