After concluding the 7 part marriage series with Lady B, I had convinced myself that there wouldn’t be any more marriage content on my blog for a while. Then I decided to run a Q&A on my Instagram page and the questions kept coming. “What do you enjoy most about being married?”. “What do you miss about being single?” “If you had to do it again, would you still get married?”.
I have two theories:
1. People are downright nosy
2. Lockdown has been playing on some people’s hormones!
Well, of course, the first theory is 100% spot on and I love it! On GWS there is no shame in the game, we talk about anything and everything. So if you are one of the nosy bunch, grab your tea and popcorn cause it’s about to get interesting. I can’t quite answer the questions with a hard set answer given that my response would be different depending on my mood. So instead, I’ll give you a sneak peek into 24 hours of my married life.
How I feel about being a married woman …
Ugh, baby G has woken up again but I don’t want to get out of bed… It’s been a few weeks now that she keeps waking up in the middle of the night. Maybe I should ignore her and let Nuno handle her. Oh yeah, he took a sleeping pill tonight – let me just get her milk… Ugh, I hate night shifts.
“Mammy, maaaammy, come on wake up”
Ugh does she want milk again… Geez it’s seven already! Awww he let me sleep in! that’s so nice. My husband is the absolute best! Shame he’s probably been up with her since 5am… Let me get her breakfast ready so that he doesn’t have to worry about her.
Ok I need to start working, he’s supposedly working but I saw chess on his computer screen. If he doesn’t come and take his child, I’m going to let him have it. Actually no, let me guilt him into coming to take his kid. Oh no, she’s climbing all over me and trying to grab my laptop. Ugh! How am I going to go through 11 hours of work with a bouncy toddler. She’s super cute and loves to cuddle but I need to work!
Ok this isn’t working. That man better come down and take his kid or else…
I have a conference call with a client so he’s taking her to play. They went outside and I can see them cuddling on the patio. How sweet! I love that he’s so understanding and … gosh I’m getting distracted. Let me focus before she wants to play again.
And then the caffeine finally kicks in…
He put baby G down for her afternoon nap, so let me make some stuff for lunch. He took out some meat so maybe he’s going to cook? Well it won’t hurt to get the carb going in the meantime…
He is making picanha! OMG he is making PICANHA! If this comes out good, I will remarry him again. It’s like Brazil in my kitchen!
I can hear the two of them upstair chatting. Gosh I love hearing her speak to her dad and how patient he is with her. I also love that it isn’t my day to put her down. Let me make myself a cup of tea and head up to the room… but first, my nighttime routine…
Wow she always goes down quickly when he puts her to bed. He’s such a great dad! And now he wants to watch a speed chess match together in bed, with the lights out. How cute is he! He is such a geek but I love it. I’m glad I’m married to this man. He can have my cup of tea – it’s the least I can do for him.
I love being married because…
… I get to do life with my partner.
In case you didn’t know, I am 99% African, 1% superwoman, so the values that were drilled in me were that the woman is the caretaker and the man is the provider. Having spent 14 years of my life with a single mom, I also knew that things didn’t have to be that way because women can be equal, if not better, than some men. My mom and dad separated before I was born and for the longest time, she was both my mom and dad. When I moved to live with my dad, it was the “your place is in the kitchen” scenario that was forced upon me.
So with this as my history, I was taught to believe that if I planned on getting married, I would need to serve my man as best as I could. I assumed that being married was about waiting on a man hand and foot so that he can in turn protect me. And as a result, my poor hubby had to work extra hard at unraveling the false perceptions that had me captive.
My reality is that every single day is about shared responsibilities. Tag-teaming and making decisions together. I love marriage because I get to do life with my partner.
What I miss about being single is…
… Being able to spend my money on vacations.
Before getting married, of course I didn’t have much responsibilities. I was also living with my dad, so all of my salary, subsidies and business allowances just went to savings. And what does a young idiot do when they are given more than they need? Well, they travel anywhere and everywhere, stay in five star hotels and shop nonstop.
While I don’t miss the lifestyle I had, I do miss the financial liberty to just make decisions alone. My husband and I both work, but we make sure that all of our decisions are made together – save gifts and personal upkeep. I do think my life is better now because there is more structure and a clear goal. But there are always going to be days that I want to spend on absolute nonsense… Then I remember that we have school fees, a mortgage, and whatever else grown ups deal with.
If I had to do it again, I would…
… Definitely marry my prince charming all over again!
Life isn’t perfect, he isn’t perfect and our marriage isn’t perfect. But it is beautiful in all of its flaws. As Charlotte from Sex and the City once said, “I’m happy every day. Not all day, but every day.”