I was listening to a breakfast show on the radio just the other day (as I went on a long drive with my daughter) and the topic of conversation was rather interesting – the engagement ring. What I found particularly intriguing was the debate on whether or not men should consult their girlfriends on the ring they intend on proposing with or if it should just be a surprise. Of course, they had several people call in and give their views which added some spice. So let’s take a look at the general vibe.

Firstly, here are some of the main arguments against letting her in on the decision making:
If the woman picks out her own ring, the engagement won’t be a surprise
Many people commented that if a woman has a say in the design, style, and cut of the diamond, then there really isn’t any room for surprise when the question gets popped. There are several videos on YouTube of the most romantic engagements and they all seem to have one thing in common. The woman had no idea it was coming. I’m not quite sure what it is, but there is something special about the moment when the man drops down on one knee and opens that tiny little box to reveal a sparkly new companion for the love of his life. Now imagine if she knew exactly how, when and what he would be proposing with. Would the moment be as special? Would the reaction be genuine?
Many of you will argue that just because she picked out the ring, it doesn’t mean that she had any input on the other details. But I will challenge you by asking this: have you ever known a woman who doesn’t snoop?
The ring is a gift to the woman
I cringe thinking back to what was said about this. The main argument is that an engagement ring is a gift from a man to a woman. A gift to declare his love and intentions of marrying her. Being a gift, it should be entirely his choice or in accordance with what his bank account can cover. If a woman doesn’t like the ring that the man picked, she still needs to wear it proudly. After all, it is its representation that matters most. Usually, when we pick Christmas/birthday gifts for people, we don’t actually consult them first. So why should an engagement ring be any different?
The man should know exactly what his lady likes before they tie the knot
So this one is a little tricky… All of those who were in favour of not checking in were of the belief that if he thought they were ready to get married, he should know what she likes and dislikes. Choosing a ring that reflects her personality should come as second nature to the boyfriend. And failure to do so just shows that they aren’t quite there yet.
The arguments for including her in the decision:
The ring is something that a woman will wear every day for the rest of her life
If anyone were to tattoo something on their arm, it would most likely be a well-thought-out design or something with a deeper meaning. Does the same apply to a piece of jewelry that one wears on a daily basis? The comments on this one were that an engagement ring is very similar to a tattoo in that one will wear it everywhere and should do so proudly. Not many people allow a tattoo artist to just go ahead based on his preferences. So the same should be the case when picking a ring. Let her choose it so she wears it confidently.
The engagement ring is too expensive to mess up
Put very simply, an engagement ring is expensive. I’ve looked up some guidelines on just how much one should spend on this piece of metal and the average response seems to be the equivalent of three months’ salary. Now imagine buying such an expensive ring and your ‘Sheila’ doesn’t love it – or worse, she says no! Letting her into the decision-making process also gives the man an idea of whether or not she will be saying yes to the question. But it leaves just enough power in the man’s hands so he can plan a nice surprise.

Thinking back to when my husband proposed to me, I believe he was spot on with everything. In our situation, we had already agreed to get married and were planning our wedding well before he proposed. It may sound strange to some, but my husband wasn’t one to date if he wasn’t intending on marrying. Of course, he had his fun when he was younger, but when he became a Christian, he changed his views on dating so our union was more of a courtship than anything else. A few months into the relationship, we discussed the ring I would love and I remember showing him several styles, one of which is sitting on my finger right now.
What I didn’t know was that he was going to plan a flash-mob to give me the ring as we had agreed that I would get it on our wedding day. I definitely have to give it to him because he knew every single detail about me. He knew what I liked and disliked. How I truly felt about certain gifts that weren’t my style, etc. That man even knew that he had to make sure he popped the question when a fresh manicure! And that he needed to record the moment so I could gush about it later with my friends.
So what’s the story with my engagement ring?
In our personal experience, my husband was the one who chose the ring and decided on if he wanted to pair it with other bands. However, he based his choice on the variety I had shown him. I personally think that this was a win in our situation where the marriage was never a question. But I am very appreciative that I had no clue he was going to prepare a spectacle, drop down on one knee, and declare his love for me in front of so many people. I might tell that story one day, but for now, I’ll just leave you with my views on this debate:
My conclusion?
Surprise her with the ring – she can always upgrade it after a few years if the design isn’t her style.
I picked my own ring with some guidance from my husband. We used bluenile.com which worked for us (he was brave to order it online!). Personally, I do not wear my rings including my wedding ring since I can’t wear it at the hospital anyways. My husband doesn’t wear his wedding ring either because a) it’s too big and he can’t be bothered to get it resized and b) he can’t wear it for work.
Engagement rings are beaaautiful and I love seeing those aesthetic pictures on pinterest with beautiful manicures crowned with a diamond ring. 👸 However, I’m so not an engagement ring gal. Those that are the most beautiful are so bling bling that it’d barely fit any outfit that I enjoy wearing. Also, I understand that buying an expensive ring is showing love to one’s partner. However, it’d rather get a different, more useful gift which would also show commitment and love. My partner spending a huge amount amount of money for something I just wear (and can also easily lose) is not something I’d personally appreciate. But I think everyone has their own taste and opinion, and if engagement ring is important for some people, I don’t see anything wrong with being ready to spend a lot of money for it or nudging one’s partner in the right direction when it comes to ring’s design.
I’m more into wedding rings. It’s something both partners choose and both wear. Even with those sky is the limit how expensive and original you want to go.
Oh wow that’s very interesting and thoughtful of you. You’re right, the ring is really something small for such a big price~ you have such a mature view on this!
Hi Sheila how are you doing? 😊 I completely understand where you are coming from and also agree the fact that it should stay a surprise. It has to be and feel genuine. A man should indeed know his girlfriend or partner before buying a ring because then you’ll see if he truly knows you, what you like and what not. I love this post very interesting and on point!
Xo 🧡 Cata
Haha thanks for sharing Cata~ I love it! If he gets the wrong ring then he must keep trying till he gets it right! Lol
I really believe it the man knows you good he know what you like …😂😂😂
I just love reading about the love story between you and your husband 😍 The open honest communication, romantic gestures, and obvious respect between the two of you is what marriage is all about! 😊❤ As far as engagement rings go, I think it’s a great idea to have an open discussion about them. Sharing ideas on styles, preference, and budget are all helpful and important. This way there’s still room for a loving surprise gift without either party feeling disappointed.
Awww thanks Amy! I guess there’s no right or wrong so I’m glad you shared your honest views. I loved being surprised with the ring and to this day I remember the moment it happened, but I value that over the actual ring lol sharing styles and such is a good idea, but maybe keep the proposal a surprise and give her a candy ring in the meantime? Lol
You’re welcome Shelly! I agree the moment of proposal is more important than the material ring itself. You can’t ever go wrong with a candy ring! Especially if it’s chocolate 😍
I actually told my husband I didn’t want an engagement ring because I hate jewelry, but that if he really wanted to get me a ring it had to be small because I run into everything and would hate to have the stone break off. Over a decade later, I’m used to it and actually kind of like it. He really wanted to get me one, so I think of it as wearing a piece of his heart everywhere I go.
Thanks for reading, Kat! That’s such a beautiful description… a piece of his heart. It’s great you let him get it for you, I’m sure it made him feel proud!
Your ring is beautiful. I’m a romantic so I lean towards surprising her with the ring. My husband is not one to buy jewellery but he picked out my ring and I love it.
Thanks Michelle! I absolutely love this thing! I remember being a demon when I sent it in to be resized just days before my engagement party and nearly killed the store managers for not having it ready the day before my flight 😅 Your husband seems to get a lot of things right~ including you😉
Aww. You are so sweet!
I honestly can see both sides. I am big on surprises, so I absolutely love the idea of my man going to select a ring and giving it to me without notice. However, I also have a certain style and I would love to have some type of say in what I get. I wouldn’t want to actually select the exact ring, but similar to what you did, I would like us to have looked at several options where he knows he can’t go wrong if he chooses something that is similar. Now, my husband proposed at 17yo with a $500 ring that he had saved up for. At 20yo, for our one year anniversary, he upgraded me to a $1000 ring, woohoo!!! It was okay back then, but it’s not a style I would prefer today. I’m still wearing that ring, 18 years later. However, I’m looking forward to upgrading someday, when our budget allows. At that point, I will definitely be a part of the selection process. 🤗
It sounds like your man is really about giving you the best he can – that’s really beautiful! Things definitely go out of style so I can imagine why you want to upgrade the ring, but I suppose having been together for so long it is no longer about popping the question, rather giving you a nicer ring. In that case I definitely thing you should literally grab the card and go swipe for the ring you want 😅
Lol, I approve this message!!! 🙌🏽