It’s 2021 and the kids have invented yet another interesting terminology – ghosting. I’ve known that this was a thing long before it hit me. But last year, the repercussions of just what ghosting can do to a person became very apparent in my life. Guys, I’ve been ghosted. It’s not the first time that it’s happened, but it is the first time that it actually bothers me as much as it does. For some background, it wasn’t a lost love or a crush that ghosted me. It was actually one of my best friends.
For anyone reading this and wondering what that means, ghosting is when you suddenly cut off all ties with someone without any explanation. There are obviously many situations in which this is necessary. But regardless of the reason, I’d like to highlight a few negative outcomes for the ‘ghosted’. Since every situation is different, I can only speak about this from my perspective.

Ghosting leaves no room for closure
As of today, it has been exactly 11 months since I last spoke to my friend. I’m not sure if I did something wrong, if she’s gone through something terrible or if our personalities are no longer compatible. They say people come into your life for a season, reason, or a lifetime. But I always assumed that you would know why they left. For many of you reading this, you might be wondering what the big deal is… Well, for someone who needs closure in order to move on, this has been the most painful breakup with a living person thus far. Being ghosted really sucks.
You question your future relationships
Did everyone have that friendship, when growing, up that just seemed perfect? You know what I’m talking about, the friend who you swore to always be besties with? Well, when you think about it in adulthood, a lot of your previous friendships weren’t real. You either shared a hobby, went to the same school or liked the same colour. When you’re older, friendships become about something much deeper. So to have someone ghost you after such an emotional connection will sting, then burn, then destroy your faith in humans. It sounds dramatic, but I’m nearly thirty years old and find it impossible to let anyone in due to past experiences.
Ghosting makes you question your self worth
This is a tricky one for me to put on the internet, but it wouldn’t be an honest post if I didn’t. The thing with close friendships is that you tend to share a significant amount of your life with those you trust. In this process, the bond becomes stronger and your support structure becomes firmer. Now pull a beam from your support structure without replacing it and you have created a breeding ground for a lack of self-confidence. Again, everyone is different and handles life differently, but if you have managed to reach their core and see all of their vulnerabilities, promised to stick around, and then just vanished, that can damage the person emotionally.
As part of the honesty train, I have to admit that I have ghosted a few people before. In my case, I had ghosted guys who I wasn’t quite into but were keen on dating me… I know, I know, not the nicest way to call it quits, but in each circumstance, I was either in a relationship or actively pursuing one. Thinking back, I wonder what kind of damage I caused to each of the people whose names I don’t even remember! Could this be karma?
It leaves a bitter aftertaste
When I was first ghosted, I worried that I had done something to warrant the silence. As time went on, that feeling shifted from concern to annoyance. And after every phone call, text message, email, and social media comment, I got angry. I am the kind of person that avoids confrontation like the plague, but it does tend to add up. All of the unaddressed feelings start to well up in ways that I cannot describe. Every single negative emotion from that relationship suddenly resurfaces. But the thing is until you actually know what went wrong, you just can’t close that door. Does that sound familiar?
I seriously don’t understand ghosting – unless someone has annoyed the crap out of you and the only option you find is to disappear altogether. As someone who has used dating apps – I know how prevalent ghosting is. I have had one guy ghost on me and it bugged the crap out of me. Everything was going well for a few months and suddenly – he’s goneee! Argh! And I still don’t know why!!! Like you, I’m not the kind of person who confronts anyone. So after 2-3 unanswered messages – I just let it be. But it bugged me for so long after. On the other hand, everytime I felt that it wasn’t working out with someone after a few dates – I’d make sure to inform them and have actually remained friends with quite a few. Ghosting is THE worst!
Gosh I’m sorry that you had to go through that, it’s not nice at all! You have taken such a mature approach to relationships, so I hope you never have to go through ghosting again!
I so agree. it is so hard to process whatever happened, good or bad, if you can’t finish a discussion. no way to fully understand and left wondering forever
Yes exactly! I guess it’s just gonna be one of those things…
Proud of you for finding the strength to post this Shelly. I know how painful and vulnerable being ghosted by a best friend can make you feel. I hope that posting this has helped to lift some of the weight. For what it’s worth they are not worth your love and friendship but I know how hard that is to see when all you want is answers. xx
Thank Imi. It warms my heart knowing that you remembered… I actually wasn’t going to post it at all, but I remembered your post and went ahead with it. Thanks for that!
I had one experience with ghosting. While I was still attending college, a guy in my class chased after me for months trying to get me to date him. Then, shortly after I finally decided to give him a chance, he got bored of me and “ghosted” me an entire weekend until school came and he had no choice but to see me and break up. That whole weekend, I was frantically trying to figure out what I had done wrong. It’s a pretty crap feeling, to be honest.
Ang | https://loseweightwithang.com
This happened to back in college, one of my very best friend all of a sudden cut all ties with me and I was heartbroken to say the least. Up until today I don’t know what was it? But having known that she was talking crap about me behind my back —I realised it wasn’t a real friendship, well not on her part. Like you said, you share a bond and should have respect to let you know what went wrong.
Well, some people🤯🤬
Geez that’s not cool at all… I wouldn’t call someone who speaks badly about you behind your back a friend… kuddos to you for moving on!
I think I get you Shelly. It’s definitely hurtful when someone that was so close to you suddenly drifts apart or seem so distant but, I’ve found out there can be many sides to the story.
One being, the person may have run out of conversations with you especially if there’s distance. I mean, huge distance. Conversations can feel unnatural or burdensome… I try to live my life based on the principle of “we meet to part and part to meet.”
Of course, you can’t force everyone to be your guy and that’s life.
Cheers to brighter days!
Gosh Erico, you are so mature! I know that there’s lots of truth to your words (and knowing my friend, that’s probably the case) but it doen’t make it any easier to swallow. Thanks for your wisdom!
It is hard to understand why this happens. I know it’s hard to tell someone face-to-face “hey this really isn’t working for me anymore” but I think ultimately it’s the right thing for the ghoster and the ghostee. Back in my day (ooh that makes me feel old), the equivalent was someone breaking up with you on the phone instead of face-to-face. Today, it’s done by text or by ghosting. Is this what we’re turning into as a society?
Hahaha omg you made me laugh with the story of breaking up on the phone. I hate to say it but breaking up on the phone sounds like the optimal thing for me because confrontation makes me anxious. The last guy I broke up with face to face would not let me leave… then when I finally did, he went to my dad’s house and just sat there waiting for me to come. Scary!
Oh that is scary. Yeah…sometimes distant is better.
My best friend and I met the first day of grade 6. In three more years we will be celebrating our 40th anniversary. We have had many a year where we did not speak other then birthday cards. Life. Differences. But always we gravitate back towards one another. We text every morning. Whether just to say hello or to have a quick chat we connect. And it is like any other relationship it is hard work. But the outcome is so worth it.
Then there is my best friend from work. We meet 12 years ago when she was hired to work in the meat department and ended up taking over my department when I was on mat leave. She has since been on mat leave twice married twice and is about to have her third baby. And we talk or at least say good morning every day.
I also have two others who fall within the 6 year range.
You might wonder do I call all of them my best friend?
I do.
I also believe wholeheartedly that they are my sisters by choice. Which is why each one of them is the best. They are the best at how they are friends with me.
We have all had our disagreements and whatevers……lol but in the end I love all them dearly and would do anything for them. Anything. Within reason. Not quite sure where I would draw the line……huh interesting concept for a story or poem…..how far will you go…..
Anyhow I have not dropped by for a lengthy hello in a bit so you ended up with a novella this morning. Shelly. I maybe should have prefaced this with grab a cuppa tea/coffee first.
Have an awesome day.
🙂
Hahah Jay, I always love your novellas 🙂 You sound like you have met some really nice people! I get you, life happens, but sometimes it’s nice to make things work depsite life happening… you know? And then there’s a pandemic… always good to at least check in even though you may not have the time to say more than a “I hope you’re doing ok”. I would be keen to know where you would draw the line. Maybe you should make a post about it 🙂 It would be our first collab! lol
I am going to have to think about that. One of my gf’s did accuse me of something horrible and knocked me out of left field. We did not speak for over three years and she reached out. I was very leery at first but slowly we have rebuilt our friendship. And she apologized to me. Had been at a bad spot in her life with some drug usage. She made bad decisions and choices but we moved forward and passed it.
I think that is one thing when you get to a certain age. You realize you are too tired and too old to keep chasing after pandering too building up people who do bot appreciate you. Whether through just life in general or something else.
I am a firm believer though that those friends who you have built a hard core relationship with doesn’t fade and leave. Sometimes it goes to sleep for awhile.
With regards to your bestie do not beat yourself up.
And I just had a thought. You require closure but are unable to get it. Write her a letter or email. In it you can express surprise at the sudden and if your relationship. How you value(d) your friendship. However you also realize people do grow apart and move on. That you will cherish those memories of friendship and if ever she needs you you are there.
Your closure will come not from learning why she suddenly stopped talking to you but from you acknowledging and accepting not only has this relationship seem to have ended but that you may never know why. You are giving yourself a chance to grieve for that loss.
Sometimes I am smrt lol. Hugs Shelly when they walk away someone else will always see what they missed. 🤓🤓🤗🤗🤗💜 Another short novella for you.
This has been done to me by one of my best friends, too. The thing is, knowing her as I do, I don’t think it was done on purpose at all. Part of it was just life happening, but I haven’t heard from her in so long and I wonder about her every day. I can only pray that she is safe and well and that one day she’ll answer me again.
You know, life does happen but it’s always nice to check in. Especially as best friends, you never really know when your friend is going through a rough patch. I’m, glad you’re not angry, but I do hope she speaks to you soon!
Yessss!!! Ghosting is so weird to me though! But I agree I think it’s way worse! I would definitely rather be confronted and told the truth of why. Thanks so sharing!
And thank you for reading! It feels absolutely horrible not knowing… ugh!
Ghosting as always confused me too and I do feel it’s a generational thing. My kids discuss it with us whenever they have experienced it because it does hurt. The mental anguish and emotional toll can be overwhelming, especially for teens and I do feel it’s very prevalent in that age group from what we’ve seen. Thanks for sharing! Good things to be mindful of, as a woman and as a parent.
It’s always so hurtful to go through this for all of us…..
This is good to raise awareness. Thanks 💖
Thanks for reading! I’m hoping since you’re such a ray of sunshine, no one would ever dream of ghosting you! 💖💖
My pleasure Shelly!
Oh aren’t you cute!!! There are always some!!!
I’m not immune-:( ♥️
Ghosting hurts A LOT. “Friends” can ghost too, which I’ve had happen. Usually if someone ghosts me without warning, I end up blocking them if there is a blocking option. Why? Because of the pain it causes.
Last year, I had someone ghost me. If was a guy who I was talking to 9 years ago online. LDR you could call it. The friendship was quite toxic though, and he always did have commitment issues. Last year, I actually met him in person (I had a friend with me, didn’t want to meet him alone for safety reasons… I think that’s fair). A couple months later he ghosts. No warning or anything. Prior to that we would text each other with funny memes and comics. Makes me wonder what happened, and I’m still left wondering what I did wrong….. my husband says I did nothing wrong but it still stings.
Gosh that’s horrible! Block block block!!! It’s probably not the best advice but honestly if you’re letting guys into your life as friends and they toy around with that, they don’t need to be there. He’ll look for you again… The ghosters always end up wanting closure in the end 😒
Anyone can ghost, but that doesn’t mean that they should. You’re totally right! I should delete his number from my phone once and for all! It was my husband who drove me all the way to his state and was super supportive. My husband has friends who are girls but they do not treat him like that. Nobody should have to deal with this and quite frankly, some people just aren’t good friends 🙄
Yeah no… that’s not the attitude of someone who wants to maintain a friendship. Especially when you guys went out of your way to make it work!!
I’ll never know the reason why and maybe I’m not meant to know. Maybe I will never know. 🤷♀️ It concerns me that he’s majorly depressed and needs therapy, but I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. He’s an adult and can think for himself.
In conclusion, ghosting is horrible. It’s a shame that we still have to deal with this crap in 2021! 🙄
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Something very similar happened to me this past year as well. My sister (who is/was my best friend) and I had an argument in late 2019 and after that she just stopped talking to me and avoided me. I kept reaching out to try to make things better but she just continued to ignore me. She has spoken to me a handful of times this past year and each time I get a different excuse as to why she’s not speaking to me. Most recently she told me that us not talking is a natural part of are relationship… It sucks because I still have to see her when we get together with my parents but she won’t respond when I talk and she barely looks at me. It makes me sick to my stomach because I love her and I miss her so much.
Ummm wow how is that natural? I’m sorry this is happening and really hope you guys find a way to move past this phase. It’s not fun at all 🙁
Me too. Thanks.
Really sorry that you experienced that
I can really relate and it’s really frustrating in a sense that you so not know whether you’ve done anything wrong or not
Thanks for raising the awareness
Yeah, girl, it sucks 😕 But that’s life I suppose 🤷🏾♀️
Thanks for reading!
Or the person is not good at communicating or doesn’t want to communicate. But also people hide behind their devices than to confront a person face to face. It’s the society we live in now.
But it’s annoying!!! I wish I was mature enough to accept it and move on… but the petty queen in me is not having it 🙈
Men and mature. Not all are mature 👀👀🤣🤣🤣. That’s where the problem starts
I’m with you Shelly-ghosting sucks! It’s hard to process and understand why someone would not just communicate with you. Some people come into our lives as blessings and others come into our lives as lessons. I see you as a blessing 😊💕
I can see both sides of this actually. Romantically I have ghosted people before, just because I wasn’t in a good place mentally and decided to cut ties with people. It was more to do with me, than them. I have also had times before when I have told guys I wasn’t interested when they were interested in me and it resulted in them holding a grudge against me and literally hating me because of it. So I really think it depends on the type of person. We say we’d rather know what we did wrong, or why it happens, but is that true? In my instance, it wasn’t. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling this guy I wasn’t interested, but actually it backfired. Would it have been better to ghost him and keep him guessing? I guess I wont ever know. But both are as bad as each other in my opinion.
Looking at it from a friendship point of view, this has happened countless times when I was at HS and most recently in my adult years. It really hurts when a friend does it, especially if you guys were close.
Olivia | https://olivialucieblake.com
Thanks for sharing Olivia! You made some valid points here, and you’re probably right about both being equally bad at different times. I think that confrontation just leaves no room for guessing, and allows the person to work on moving on. Or at least get closure.
Yeah it definitely does mess up with my self confidence whenever it happens without there being an obvious incident. I personally find it very selfish of the other person to not own up to it nor to respect me as a person to at least let me know and not have me waste my time trying to figure out what is happening and how to fix it when it cannot be fixed.
I hate to say it but I agree with you. It’s tough and unfair, but it keeps on happening!