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  1. Happy Panda says

    I seriously don’t understand ghosting – unless someone has annoyed the crap out of you and the only option you find is to disappear altogether. As someone who has used dating apps – I know how prevalent ghosting is. I have had one guy ghost on me and it bugged the crap out of me. Everything was going well for a few months and suddenly – he’s goneee! Argh! And I still don’t know why!!! Like you, I’m not the kind of person who confronts anyone. So after 2-3 unanswered messages – I just let it be. But it bugged me for so long after. On the other hand, everytime I felt that it wasn’t working out with someone after a few dates – I’d make sure to inform them and have actually remained friends with quite a few. Ghosting is THE worst!

    • Shelly DS says

      Gosh I’m sorry that you had to go through that, it’s not nice at all! You have taken such a mature approach to relationships, so I hope you never have to go through ghosting again!

  2. beth says

    I so agree. it is so hard to process whatever happened, good or bad, if you can’t finish a discussion. no way to fully understand and left wondering forever

  3. imifarm says

    Proud of you for finding the strength to post this Shelly. I know how painful and vulnerable being ghosted by a best friend can make you feel. I hope that posting this has helped to lift some of the weight. For what it’s worth they are not worth your love and friendship but I know how hard that is to see when all you want is answers. xx

    • Shelly DS says

      Thank Imi. It warms my heart knowing that you remembered… I actually wasn’t going to post it at all, but I remembered your post and went ahead with it. Thanks for that!

  4. LoseWeightWithAng says

    I had one experience with ghosting. While I was still attending college, a guy in my class chased after me for months trying to get me to date him. Then, shortly after I finally decided to give him a chance, he got bored of me and “ghosted” me an entire weekend until school came and he had no choice but to see me and break up. That whole weekend, I was frantically trying to figure out what I had done wrong. It’s a pretty crap feeling, to be honest.

    Ang | https://loseweightwithang.com

  5. Shahrin says

    This happened to back in college, one of my very best friend all of a sudden cut all ties with me and I was heartbroken to say the least. Up until today I don’t know what was it? But having known that she was talking crap about me behind my back —I realised it wasn’t a real friendship, well not on her part. Like you said, you share a bond and should have respect to let you know what went wrong.

    Well, some people🤯🤬

    • Shelly DS says

      Geez that’s not cool at all… I wouldn’t call someone who speaks badly about you behind your back a friend… kuddos to you for moving on!

  6. Eromonsele Emmanuel says

    I think I get you Shelly. It’s definitely hurtful when someone that was so close to you suddenly drifts apart or seem so distant but, I’ve found out there can be many sides to the story.

    One being, the person may have run out of conversations with you especially if there’s distance. I mean, huge distance. Conversations can feel unnatural or burdensome… I try to live my life based on the principle of “we meet to part and part to meet.”

    Of course, you can’t force everyone to be your guy and that’s life.

    Cheers to brighter days!

    • Shelly DS says

      Gosh Erico, you are so mature! I know that there’s lots of truth to your words (and knowing my friend, that’s probably the case) but it doen’t make it any easier to swallow. Thanks for your wisdom!

  7. Michelle (Boomer Eco Crusader) says

    It is hard to understand why this happens. I know it’s hard to tell someone face-to-face “hey this really isn’t working for me anymore” but I think ultimately it’s the right thing for the ghoster and the ghostee. Back in my day (ooh that makes me feel old), the equivalent was someone breaking up with you on the phone instead of face-to-face. Today, it’s done by text or by ghosting. Is this what we’re turning into as a society?

    • Shelly DS says

      Hahaha omg you made me laugh with the story of breaking up on the phone. I hate to say it but breaking up on the phone sounds like the optimal thing for me because confrontation makes me anxious. The last guy I broke up with face to face would not let me leave… then when I finally did, he went to my dad’s house and just sat there waiting for me to come. Scary!

  8. Jay-lyn Doerksen says

    My best friend and I met the first day of grade 6. In three more years we will be celebrating our 40th anniversary. We have had many a year where we did not speak other then birthday cards. Life. Differences. But always we gravitate back towards one another. We text every morning. Whether just to say hello or to have a quick chat we connect. And it is like any other relationship it is hard work. But the outcome is so worth it.
    Then there is my best friend from work. We meet 12 years ago when she was hired to work in the meat department and ended up taking over my department when I was on mat leave. She has since been on mat leave twice married twice and is about to have her third baby. And we talk or at least say good morning every day.
    I also have two others who fall within the 6 year range.
    You might wonder do I call all of them my best friend?
    I do.
    I also believe wholeheartedly that they are my sisters by choice. Which is why each one of them is the best. They are the best at how they are friends with me.
    We have all had our disagreements and whatevers……lol but in the end I love all them dearly and would do anything for them. Anything. Within reason. Not quite sure where I would draw the line……huh interesting concept for a story or poem…..how far will you go…..
    Anyhow I have not dropped by for a lengthy hello in a bit so you ended up with a novella this morning. Shelly. I maybe should have prefaced this with grab a cuppa tea/coffee first.
    Have an awesome day.
    🙂

    • Shelly DS says

      Hahah Jay, I always love your novellas 🙂 You sound like you have met some really nice people! I get you, life happens, but sometimes it’s nice to make things work depsite life happening… you know? And then there’s a pandemic… always good to at least check in even though you may not have the time to say more than a “I hope you’re doing ok”. I would be keen to know where you would draw the line. Maybe you should make a post about it 🙂 It would be our first collab! lol

      • Jay-lyn Doerksen says

        I am going to have to think about that. One of my gf’s did accuse me of something horrible and knocked me out of left field. We did not speak for over three years and she reached out. I was very leery at first but slowly we have rebuilt our friendship. And she apologized to me. Had been at a bad spot in her life with some drug usage. She made bad decisions and choices but we moved forward and passed it.
        I think that is one thing when you get to a certain age. You realize you are too tired and too old to keep chasing after pandering too building up people who do bot appreciate you. Whether through just life in general or something else.
        I am a firm believer though that those friends who you have built a hard core relationship with doesn’t fade and leave. Sometimes it goes to sleep for awhile.
        With regards to your bestie do not beat yourself up.
        And I just had a thought. You require closure but are unable to get it. Write her a letter or email. In it you can express surprise at the sudden and if your relationship. How you value(d) your friendship. However you also realize people do grow apart and move on. That you will cherish those memories of friendship and if ever she needs you you are there.
        Your closure will come not from learning why she suddenly stopped talking to you but from you acknowledging and accepting not only has this relationship seem to have ended but that you may never know why. You are giving yourself a chance to grieve for that loss.
        Sometimes I am smrt lol. Hugs Shelly when they walk away someone else will always see what they missed. 🤓🤓🤗🤗🤗💜 Another short novella for you.

  9. daciar says

    This has been done to me by one of my best friends, too. The thing is, knowing her as I do, I don’t think it was done on purpose at all. Part of it was just life happening, but I haven’t heard from her in so long and I wonder about her every day. I can only pray that she is safe and well and that one day she’ll answer me again.

    • Shelly DS says

      You know, life does happen but it’s always nice to check in. Especially as best friends, you never really know when your friend is going through a rough patch. I’m, glad you’re not angry, but I do hope she speaks to you soon!

  10. Amanda says

    Yessss!!! Ghosting is so weird to me though! But I agree I think it’s way worse! I would definitely rather be confronted and told the truth of why. Thanks so sharing!

  11. Confessions of a Corporate Mom says

    Ghosting as always confused me too and I do feel it’s a generational thing. My kids discuss it with us whenever they have experienced it because it does hurt. The mental anguish and emotional toll can be overwhelming, especially for teens and I do feel it’s very prevalent in that age group from what we’ve seen. Thanks for sharing! Good things to be mindful of, as a woman and as a parent.

  12. Hilary Tan says

    Ghosting hurts A LOT. “Friends” can ghost too, which I’ve had happen. Usually if someone ghosts me without warning, I end up blocking them if there is a blocking option. Why? Because of the pain it causes.

    Last year, I had someone ghost me. If was a guy who I was talking to 9 years ago online. LDR you could call it. The friendship was quite toxic though, and he always did have commitment issues. Last year, I actually met him in person (I had a friend with me, didn’t want to meet him alone for safety reasons… I think that’s fair). A couple months later he ghosts. No warning or anything. Prior to that we would text each other with funny memes and comics. Makes me wonder what happened, and I’m still left wondering what I did wrong….. my husband says I did nothing wrong but it still stings.

    • Shelly DS says

      Gosh that’s horrible! Block block block!!! It’s probably not the best advice but honestly if you’re letting guys into your life as friends and they toy around with that, they don’t need to be there. He’ll look for you again… The ghosters always end up wanting closure in the end 😒

      • Hilary Tan says

        Anyone can ghost, but that doesn’t mean that they should. You’re totally right! I should delete his number from my phone once and for all! It was my husband who drove me all the way to his state and was super supportive. My husband has friends who are girls but they do not treat him like that. Nobody should have to deal with this and quite frankly, some people just aren’t good friends 🙄

      • Shelly DS says

        Yeah no… that’s not the attitude of someone who wants to maintain a friendship. Especially when you guys went out of your way to make it work!!

      • Hilary Tan says

        I’ll never know the reason why and maybe I’m not meant to know. Maybe I will never know. 🤷‍♀️ It concerns me that he’s majorly depressed and needs therapy, but I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. He’s an adult and can think for himself.

  13. Suzanne- Happily Decluttered says

    I’m so sorry this happened to you. Something very similar happened to me this past year as well. My sister (who is/was my best friend) and I had an argument in late 2019 and after that she just stopped talking to me and avoided me. I kept reaching out to try to make things better but she just continued to ignore me. She has spoken to me a handful of times this past year and each time I get a different excuse as to why she’s not speaking to me. Most recently she told me that us not talking is a natural part of are relationship… It sucks because I still have to see her when we get together with my parents but she won’t respond when I talk and she barely looks at me. It makes me sick to my stomach because I love her and I miss her so much.

  14. missybeelondon says

    Or the person is not good at communicating or doesn’t want to communicate. But also people hide behind their devices than to confront a person face to face. It’s the society we live in now.

  15. Delicate and brutal says

    I’m with you Shelly-ghosting sucks! It’s hard to process and understand why someone would not just communicate with you. Some people come into our lives as blessings and others come into our lives as lessons. I see you as a blessing 😊💕

  16. Olivia says

    I can see both sides of this actually. Romantically I have ghosted people before, just because I wasn’t in a good place mentally and decided to cut ties with people. It was more to do with me, than them. I have also had times before when I have told guys I wasn’t interested when they were interested in me and it resulted in them holding a grudge against me and literally hating me because of it. So I really think it depends on the type of person. We say we’d rather know what we did wrong, or why it happens, but is that true? In my instance, it wasn’t. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling this guy I wasn’t interested, but actually it backfired. Would it have been better to ghost him and keep him guessing? I guess I wont ever know. But both are as bad as each other in my opinion.

    Looking at it from a friendship point of view, this has happened countless times when I was at HS and most recently in my adult years. It really hurts when a friend does it, especially if you guys were close.

    Olivia | https://olivialucieblake.com

    • Shelly DS says

      Thanks for sharing Olivia! You made some valid points here, and you’re probably right about both being equally bad at different times. I think that confrontation just leaves no room for guessing, and allows the person to work on moving on. Or at least get closure.

  17. Josephine Nerissa Leão Panzo says

    Yeah it definitely does mess up with my self confidence whenever it happens without there being an obvious incident. I personally find it very selfish of the other person to not own up to it nor to respect me as a person to at least let me know and not have me waste my time trying to figure out what is happening and how to fix it when it cannot be fixed.

I'd love to read your thoughts on this!

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